bought her tickets to Les Mis and two dozen red roses....

She never had one iota of interest in me other than being friends....

There was a lady named Sylvia. She was a great friend. I used to hang out at her apartment. If I brought a case of beer and shared it, I could crash on her couch. She introduced me to pot.

Well, she had a halloween party. Her disc camera was stolen. I replaced it at a cost of about $65.

She was a huge Sting fan. So we went to see "The Dream of the Blue Turtles" tour in Austin. I bought four tickets. My brother and I, and Sylvia and her cousin. Well, there were three seats together and one much higher up. Being the chivalrous guy I was, I let my brother sit with the ladies, and I moved up. Well, she wound up with him.

A few years back, shortly after I got married, I found her phone number. I called her up, and she said, "You were a true gentleman. You didn't move fast enough - that's why I didn't know you liked me."

In fourth grade, I saw a pretty girl across the street looking at me, checkin' me out...


I was on my bike, so I thought I'd show her my skills....


I jumped off the curb right into a busy intersection and got hit by a car....


Luckily I wasn't hurt....but my bike was mashed....