Although.. I do not know wether er not it's truly "jes ventin" er not.. I really donno anymore....

Why do I bother hangin round this world anymore? I ask mysef this question unfortuneatly to often these days, really, what is the point? I git it from ever concievible end an I jes don't git it anymore... what is the point? I'm nailed to the wall by everthin an everbody, I have a disaster of a job (as many of you know - jes not the point is all) I tolerate such assine stupidity out of my folks, in debts up to my ears, I am continually screwed on everthin, fuel, log books, dot violations, bein logged at certain points, not gittin paid in a month, house troubles, baby troubles, an dumped on by everbody an the only person you'd expect NOT to continually dump on you an fire you from ever frickin position ordained by God does so, ignores me completely an continuously, fights me on ever damn thin you can imagine the list jes goes on an on.. an to have someone when you warn them that you jes can not take much more, the line is growin close jes to have em stick thier finger in your face like a 4 year old an demand that you make the claim that they are right er whatever bout sumthin when it's a clearly wrong ordeal.. jes makes me wonder... what in the hell is the point?

Why do I bother? Why am I here? Why do I not jes check out of this world an be done wit it? I watched a movie yeserday, thought it was really stupid until Sarah told me what the point of the movie was, cause I jes flat out couldn't git it, it actually does have some merit to it after all... more so today then yeserday, movie called brave, wit that johnny debb guy, which I totally could not reconginze as bein so... I jes don't git it... why? What is the point? If your nailed at ever frickin cross road, why? Everthin is jes SUCH a train wreck an I don't care what it is, you name it an it's a frickin train wreck in my life... so why bother? It jes doesn't seem worth it anymore, the whole 'fight the good fight, run the race to completetion' thin jes seems so insanely pointless I jes could careless anymore... I truly am at the point of what does any of it matter anymore?

Jes stuck a windshield in the truck, 400 bucks, jes to have someone take a pot shot at it the other day in Texas an put an inch an half hole in the thin... looks like a bullet... it's sorta... I know shouldn't say so.. but.. it's a sahme it didn't come through the windshield.....

I jes do not git it anymore........................................................

Have you thought about just declaing bankruptcy and getting out of the trucking business?

It's not jes debt an truckin... it's everthin in between, an I wrote a book on that particular subject here a month er so back. If it were jes debt an truckin I could manage, when it's everthin an anythin inbetween, I jes don't git it.. I truly don't, I jes can not see the point anymore. Even wit gov't, politics, everthin, I jes don't see why anythin is relevant er matters anymore.

I wish I did actually... I was tryin to think earlier... did I ever know the point? Was there a time in my life where I knew what wa worth hangin round for? Why I bothered to struggle er fight? I cain't say, I jes do not know anymore.

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I think you do it so that your kids can see what a proud, hard-working papa really looks like...

So that their future is secure in knowing that their Dad did EVERYTHING so they could have EVERYTHING...

That in spite of how crappy EVERYTHING in the world is...Dad didn't quit and went to work so they could eat and play in the yard and have little bros/sisses....and a mom that could stay home and love them with all her heart...

So that when THEY grow up, they can battle through whatever life throws at 'em because DAD was a great example....

Perfect example of the literal bull I tolerate... tell this to the guy haulin 42,000 pounds of potats to a grocery whse for pennis...... really helps huh?

The thin that broke it for me today is when, flat out, had a situation where I was.... an personnaly, I don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks bout it bein male bla bla bla, I as the head of the house hold, supposed spiritual leader was not only completely disobeyed in ever derned way but argued an beaten over the head wit the same damn thin over an over agin until I quit, thats it, she wants the damn job so bad, take it. It's not like she's been demandin it for years... I know I'm probly not comin off very well an I'm not tryin to honestly bash Sarah, it's jes who she is vs who I am, one of those personality conflicts that... in so much as I am concerned has finally jes gone to far, thats it, I'm cooked.... it's been brewin for years, despite how hard I have fought it, my fears have been confirmed an thats jes that, she wants the job, fine take it an leave me be.

I appreciate what you have to say Squat, but even the kids... I mean I flat out can not catch a break.... Kat always goes on an on bout stuff I cain't fix, jes makes me feel bad, an no I don't blame er it's jes an impossible situation, Liam's no better, wanna know what his first mother frackin sentence was?? "where'd you go" Over an over an over on the phone.... where'd you go....

frack it... this is all jes so useless......

I am soooooooooo literally on the edge of goin postal.... and.... if I talk anymore wit the woman of the house I will be....

this... THIS... is how stupid alllllll of this is.... trust me folks, no one an I mean NO ONE wants my life... there is jes flat out nuthin left in this life of mine worth livin for.......... this is TOTALLY unbelievible..... flat out...

I stopped at a truckstop BK on the wrong side of the road, bother wit parkin an then walkin all the way in there... an I know I cain't really blame anyone but me... but I place my order, tell em to make it big, git my order in a bag an walk out.. start drivin down the road an guess what I should find???

NO MOTHER FRACKIN FRENCH FRIES!!!! I PAID FOR THOSE MORPHIDITED DAMN THINS I WANT THEM!!!

but.... because I'm heavy an in a truck an the next exit isn't for 11 miles... thats it... screwed agin........ what... agin.... is the point??

You know what? I don't know what the point is either, sometimes. Mom got sick. Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Ty lost his job in October. Mom died in December. Ty lost his other job in April. The list goes on. and on. and on.

What's the point? I have no idea. But God has me here for some reason, and He is the only one who knows what the real reason is. I'm walking through a dark valley right now as well. Maybe not the same valley as you brother, not the same circumstances at all, but it's the same feeling.

I keep on as well as I can. If I can't handle a day at a time, I take it an hour at a time. Or a minute at a time. And give it up to God as best I can. I can't second-guess Him, believe me I've tried and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. So I pray and say "God, I'm doing my best to give it all to You. But You know my true heart, and You know how confused and terrified I am. So all I ask is for You to help me and guide me, somehow." And that seems to help.

I'm praying for you. :pray:

Amen sister.


Praying for both of you. Have felt the same way myself before.

:pray:

:agree: & :amen:

Everyone has their dark and rough times and we all manage to get through it with GOD.

I know I have my personal struggles as well. Everyone does. It's God's will that we're all still here.

:agree:

Sometimes we don't realise that everyone else is or has gone through all sorts of crappy crap and sometimes it seems like it is lasting forever for us..And just when it looks like things are starting to improve-BAM! back down in the crapper again.....

My goodness... you folks! you guy! ya'll jes don't GIT IT!!! They FRACKED UP my french fries!!!! there's NO excuse, NO forgiveness! Geezz folks! git wit the program!!!

To bad I didn't have a gun wit me... I'd show THEM who to frack wit an fries! :)

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not eatin' those fries probably put another 2-3 minutes on your life...

you should be thanking God....

So you're ticked off over some FRIES?? You been in the loco weed or something?

uh... erm... Sqaut.....

dear brother....

this uh.. thread you see.. the posts in this thread you understand....

they uh.. they pretty much bout....

ya know.. not botherin wit life anymore....

I'm even more pissed off that they not only stole my frackin fries but now they lengthened this pathtic life!!

Way to go Sqaut, thanks for makin me look at it that way......

Ya know... how do you spose you would know when you've flipped? Wonder what the defintion of is someone whose fell over the edge...

The fries jes an example.. oh jes HOW frickin stupid thins are... crazy dumb, insnae thins that happen sooooo frickin often.. nay, daily... I mean.. all I wanted was sumthin to eat an I bother wit gittin parked up an all an the like, folks don't really understand how easy it is to be 80,000 pounds an jes take an exit an park, it ain't like it is in a car, it's an involved ordeal... an you do allll that crap jes to have someone screw sumthin as simple as that up... it's jes.... me.. my life.. my goodness it is sooooo fracked!

Welcome to the real world. I guess we're all just "fracked up" in one way or another.