To Train up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl

Anyone read it?

I just did and it is good! :thumbsup:

Talk about confusing the child. Put an apple juice box where they can reach it in a place that they ARE ALLOWED TO GO normally, then tell them no when they go for it.


And aren't they the ones who advocate the use of PVC pipe to beat (or should I say spank) the child?

Sorry, I don't like them. We did spank in rare ocurrances that Andrea would openly defy us. We did NOT spank in trying to help her learn what was right and wrong.

PVC pipe?? Not that I know of.

If you read the whole chapter that this part is from it is about training the child to be obedient, regardless of their own desires. The paragraph you quoted didn't say a juice box, just put the item on the "juice box table".. Like a pretty lamp or something..YOu know kids are like "oooooh, pretty" but you must train them to obey.


There is a difference in spanking for punishment and a smack on the hand to teach "no"

Some of their methods are a little too far to me, but the basic idea is right on. You have to read it with a grain of salt. They differentiate between abuse and correction, even reccommending the "Millstone Award" for parents who lose it and go overboard. (Referece to Matthew 18:6: "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." )

By training children to be obedient the first time, the whole family is less stressed because mom and dad aren't having to fight the wayward child into obedience all the time.

One other thing they discuss in the book is when children get bumps and bruises..They reccommend not indulging crying by cuddling and comforting over the little things like scratches because it teaches the kid that they need to come unglued and run to mom every time they get a little "owie". I see kids act like that all the time and it really irritates and interferes when the little drama queens come running.

How long do they think it should take to train a child? Like for example Liam loves the remote controls and ever since he could crawl at 6 months he has gone after them. He has never been allowed to play with them and has always been told no and he understands no. He has also had his hand popped and KNOWS he's not allowed them but will still go for them every time. How long should it take???

:blink: Ugh, I pretty much abhor the Pearls. I think they are dangerous and I think their methods are abusive and set children up for failure.

From the Pearl's website:

Link

It seems like everything, from thumb-sucking to disobeying, is cause for a swat. Just not a parenting style I agree with. :dunno:

I think we have that book....*goes to check*

This last paragraph makes me ill. I strive to treat me children the way God treats me. When I have a bad day for no good reason, He doesn't say "Go away, don't bother me. I don't have time for your petty little problems. Don't you know that I am GOD and have more important things to do." He says "I love you, child, and I am always here for you, You are always welcome in My arms."

If I am in a battle with my children, I am the problem, not them. I can understand spanking a child when they are defiantly misbehaving, but hitting them just to prove a point, to show that I am "in charge" is just disgusting to me.

I know I've not been here a lot lately and based on what I've seen today. All the bickering and arrogance, I'm not sure I'll bother to come back much.

No hitting to prove a point...

Who is bickering?

Yes, children can have bad days and that should be accounted for. But have you not seen children who wail and cry every singly time they bump their leg? Acting as if they've been in a car accident when they only barely scratched their arm? Is this overdramatization of a scratch acceptable? Yes, comfort your child if they are truly hurt, but do not encourage them to play up itsy bitsy everyday boo boos as if they were hospital worthy..

Like I said, take what they say with a grain of salt. I also said their methods and theories go to far sometimes. I'm not advocating doing everything to the letter of their instruction..

You must think me a wicked witch! Having not read the book or the explainations therin or having the full context of the bits quoted on the internet, it really would sound horribly vicious. Just for the record, I almost never have to spank my older two children. The youngest more, because he is still learning and pushing his limits..

Oh, and I disagree with using the pipe. I think the purpose was to get that "switch like " sting that would come from a real switch. (we use a paddle)

but this paragraph does go on to say:

I've not finished the book, but I think their advice is good. They are in no way advocating child abuse, in fact quite the opposite. If you are a good parent, remaining vigilant and consistent in addressing behavioral problems, then you'll find your battles, or more serious punishment, become more and more rare.

We are strict but very loving parents at the same time. If our children disobey or act up they know the consequences. They know they won't get away with an inch, so they never try for a mile. We very rarely spank, and then only if they've received a warning or two about something. With our toddler, we do have to do more "training" by swatting his hand over and over again when he misbehaves. We are able to love them all much easier by having them respect us and themselves enough not to throw tantrums. I've always been surprised by how affectionate they are immediately after correction. It's wonderful. I'm a strong advocate of empowered parenting--I hate seeing fuming parents at stores, church, etc., looking so angry at their children, clearly exasperated because they cannot gain the cooperation of their kids.

I guess it just doesn't sit well with me because I don't like the idea of using an object to spank.

I can get her attention just as easily by a swat on the tush that doesn't hurt than using some kind of plumbing supply pipe or a paddle.

But that's just me and thank goodness she's past the stage of spankings as well!! :nod:

Do this to me :box: if you think I'm outta line, but I think guilt is a huge factor in the way many folks parent today. The parents both work, kids are dropped off at daycare starting in early infancy, and then school, where outsiders frequently spend more wake hours with them than we do ourselves, and to overcompensate for all this many parents let their kids get away will hell when they are together. Who would want to spend the few hours a day they do have together disciplining them?

I totally can see that. There's a girl in Andie's class that has MAJOR drama issues (and I thought MY daughter was the drama queen :string: ). Turns out her mom's a single mom, works a full-time job (of course), and I'm sure has no desire or energy to deal with anything at night when she's off work.

Then this other little boy informs me he's only got a mommy and a sister, his daddy used to be married to his mommy but now he's married to another lady.

:(

I could never be a teacher........ :bored:

Nope. NOt in my home. I think their advice is too far. I agree with very little of their methods. I think they are dangerous. :blink:

interesting. Old but interesting...

link

People go too far with their "disciplining" In the book I have they never advocate beating a child till he limps. They recomment 5-10 swats which I think can be too much, esp for a toddler (I do one per year of age). THere are always going to be people who go too far. This woman was one of them. The book I read does not reccommend this typt opf brutality. I thik that the examples of people "following" the pearl's advice are examples only of pwople who took things way, way too far...You can find those abusive parents in every corner claiming they took the advice of so-and-so...

While that my be true, I haven't found (must admit haven't looked) deaths of children due to parents following advice from other authors. I just think they go overboard. :(