ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary
submitted this... Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn
Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I
was looking for a little "something extra" for my wife Toni. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the
Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on
your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against flesh or a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the
blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot
is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new
toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-a batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie
looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie
(for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a
one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on
the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little
device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty
cute really (and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking
to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond
description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking
on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master,"
reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing
couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst
just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! (&# %& (# %)
(&#*#*)!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in the recliner and then body slammed us both on the carpet
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again!" Note: If you
ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution:
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ONE-SECOND BURST when you zap yourself!!! You
will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative. That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I
can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my
wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt
like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles and offering a significant reward for
their safe return.


:rolf:

LOL - that's great! No, women aren't dumb enough to try that on themselves. And, when my dad hit a live wire with a screwdriver, I said the same thing: "Do it again!"

Nope... 1) I'd never give my wife an easily concealable weeapon that could be used against me, and 2... though I do like the tingly feeling I get from shocking lighters and pens No way in hell I'd let myself willingly get hit wby a stun gun / taser....

I'm crazy not stupid......

well as long as you don't ask my parents... or weife... or in-laws.... or most people who talk to me daily......