How do you encourage and support your spouse if you really don't feel it or see it?

Perhaps I should rephrase that... How do you encourage and support your spouse?

Are we just listing this so you can steal some ideas? I may have to charge you!

I tend to just let her know, every day that I'm proud of the work she is doing and that she is doing some really great things for our family's future.

I am not encouraging or supportive at all. I mean I look and don't see much to encourage or support.. What he's shown me over that last 7 years is that he is either unwilling, lazy, pretends to be incapable so he won't have to, etc...how am I supposed to pick up where I am now and be a supportive wife??

Ah. Words of Affirmation. Love Language #1 :D

All I can say is Love is a choice. Even if someone has hurt you or isn't fair, it's your choice to show them love. A good verse is:
Luke 6:27-31
27 “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 “Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. 30 “Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. 31 “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.

I guess you could brainstorm positive thoughts about your hubby and then try to say one each day to him. :dunno:

Its hard... I've had 7 years to make a groove and its hard to get out of it. Habits are hard to break...

I'm proud of you for wanting to change though!

Does he make cute kids (with your help of course)?

Does he pick up his nasty underwear?

Does he work to provide for the family?

I suppose......?

No....

Yeah.....I wish he would let me work part time just to pay dowm some of our debt so our finances wouldn't be so d*** tight. Pretty bad when the money runs out and you have to resort to survivin' on the credit card......often... :nono:

You're missing the point. What you just did is exactly why you have a hard time showing support. You turned him working (which IS a positive cos there are men out there that won't get up off their butt and support their family) into a rant about him not letting you work. Leave the rant behind. He works. Period. Positive. Just say to him when he gets home regardless if he walks through the door grumpy etc. and tell him that you appreciate him working hard to provide for the family and then leave it at that.

I agree with Sarah......the old "if you can't say something nice......" :nod:

Of course, sometimes that means I don't say much at all........ B)

But like, this past weekend Ty FINALLY got around to mowing the lawn....it had been looking pretty awful!! When he got done I brought him a beer and said thanks and how great it looked. Altho I FELT like saying something like "FINALLY! The lawn was starting to look horrible!"

:P

When I was first married, I was always told to praise your husband for his job! I was like...:huh: & :screwy:....So I did and it made ME feel better and made the load a little lighter for hubby. If I was in a super "positive" mood, I'd make him his favourite meal complete with dessert and a little :eyebrows: afterwards. All just because he works his butt off for us. Just the other day he told me of the monotony of all the driving back and forth every single day and having to put up with all the "whining babies and brats" at work. Not often he vents to me like that because he feels he needs to "man up" and hold it all in like a REAL man. :rollseyes:

Guys have it tough, too. At least MINE does. :P

My problem is that to say those types of things would feel false...I don't feel it. I would certainly feel as if I were lying....By now he knows that I don't think his job is such that he's "working his butt off"..He admits that its not hard, just unpleasant. Yeah, you'll say thank him for doing somehting unpleasant for us, etc...But I feel like a child being forced by a parent to "Say you're sorry" you know?? It doesn't feel real or sincere..

That and by this time he wouldn't believe me and accuse me of lying. I've said supportive things in the past that I meant, and he accused me of lying..

He's not that bad...I know my attitude is probably a lot of it...I am just worn down and tired ....