Physical Beauty, Self Esteem, And Our Responsibilty


A few of the recent threads, and the post by you guys has got me thinking a lot.

I'm really hoping this thread will be a helpful brainstorm for us men, but I fear I may offend some people. And If I do, I apologize. It is definitely not my intention to offend anyone, nor am I trying to belittle anyone.

But lets talk about Physical Beauty for a minute. How much does it mean for us, as men, as christian, as husbands? Both for us men, trying to look all buff and in shape and our wives trying to look all trim and proper? How much would our lives benefit if we and our wives were each to our individual goals?

First let me state the obvious and get it out of the way. I think from the post on these boards all the guys here are not physically where they want to be. I think I'm alone and in the minority by needed to gain about 20lbs, while the rest of you guys have talked about losing a few pounds.

Number one, please don't hate me cause i'm skinny. It's not cool, it's just as hard for me to gain weight as it is for you to loose weight. Whatever self conscience you can feel about being overweight, I can and do feel about being underwieght.

Heather and I have really recently been going through a real self exploration and coming to the conclusion that Health really does matter and that it really should be much higher on the Priority list than we've ever put it before, we are eating healthier, we are working out alot and we are doing a lot more physical activities.

For the first time in my life I feel fit. I can run to my car without getting winded... lol... I can go kayaking, hiking, play basketball, etc. and I don't feel like i'm going to die.

I've still got far to go as far as gaining weight, right now i'm at 160lbs, and I wanna be 180.... but at some points I sunk as low as 140lbs... and that is just not good at all .... especially at 6'3"....

But my self esteem has really gone up too, a lot... I can wear my wife beaters to the gym and flex in the mirror for hours standing in Squat's squat machine (j/k) but I look a lot better...

And as you've heard me talk about in many threads, Heather is killing it at the gym and really getting ripped up... Her self esteem is really getting built up by it. I've caught her flexing in the bathroom mirror naked more than once. lol ...

Heather and I were talking, and we've agreed to this. We simply will not let the other person get out of shape. We have an agreement. If one of us gets out of shape, we will be free to say so. We will try to be loving and supportive about it, Basically we both agreed to just force the other person into getting back into shape. I told heather if i ever get a pot belly to just get me after work and drive me to the gym and make me run miles a day.

lemme try to summarize and make sense...
Topic for discussion...
How much does physical beauty (fitness) mean to us in priority? I realize that paying the bills and feeding the kids comes first.
What benefits would come from meeting our individual goals?
How do we best motivate our spouses in a positive manner to meet their individual goals?

I'd be a liar if I said it didn't matter. I didn't start dating my wife because she had a "great personality". I didn't realize that until I started talking to her, but let's be honest - it was the physical beauty that got me to the point of talking to her.
Priority? That is a tough one. I do think it should be more of a priority to everyone, but especially to me, than it is. Not just for the physical beauty aspect of it - but the health issue.

The obvious one is the self esteem. When I meet my individual goals it really impacts my self esteem & internal dialogue. That is a HUGE struggle for me - internally telling myself how bad I looke, how dumb I am, yadda yadda....to me - that is the first part of the battle. I gotta start talking more positive TO myself ABOUT myself.

I think the big part of this is to NOT point out the flaws - but to say, "Let's go for a walk!", or just simply saying, "Hey, let's go to the gym."

After a work out telling your spouse, "Your arms look really good! I can see improvements....." just something to let them know that you see the changes.

This is a good, meaty thread! Time to dive in!

Beauty has become entirely subjective. I would pass up twenty supermodels for my wife. No promises on the 21st, though... :rolf:

Fitness, on the other hand, has become very important to me. Where five years ago I longed for death, I now want to live. That means I need to try and undo some of the damage I've done over the last 20 years. It's something I'm trying to get started on, but it's so damn hard.

Today, I want to get up the gumption to work out. (See my 'tard thread - ain'tcha glad I'm not in your town?) It's becoming very important to me that we both get into better shape.

Yeah, the self-esteem would go up, but as I stated, I want to see my grandkids. I want to be able to play with my grandkids. If my daughters wait until they're 30 to have kids, I'll be 64 for the first grandkid. I need to get my body ready now!

that's sad. My oldest is six and I'm thinking about grandkids...

That's one I'm trying to figure out. During winter my wife and I both battle allergies, asthma and other ailments. It really delays our getting started. So, this spring, I plan to go to the Y after she gets home from work - whether she wants to join me or not - and start working out. That gives me a couple of weeks from now with Texas weather! :booyah:

Pray for us 'tards. Some of us really want to get it goin'!

Had to stop and respond right here...

A good number of my friends are fairly thin and a couple under weight...

I'm not going to hate you.. I'm going to want to trade metabolisms for a while but not hate you....

I keep trying to explain to Misty that I love her, and I think she's gorgeous.

I don't follow the "out of shape" way of thinking.. round is a shape, I am round therefore I am in a shape.. it's not a healthy one but I digress..


Lately we've been trying to plan to walk more... with the kids and everything else going on right now it's ahard to actually get it in. Luckily the new house has a park right behind it (okay right = about a country block)
So we should have more time, especially after I switch to the daytime schedule....

I'll join you.

I find myself wanting to gain weight as well. I wouldn't call myself "skinny", but I could definetely "bulk up" a lot more.

I didn't really mean ... Hate Me...

After all ... Who Could Hate Me ????

okay... don't answer that....

But a lot of people have the misperception that skinny people have got it made, when we don't.

I'm just saying it also takes skinny people a lot of hard work and diet changes in order to reach their goals.... We're in different boats, but on the same lake, ya know

Personally, I think that skinny women have it made... but skinny to a limit. I'm not talking heroin addict skinny... but skinny to the point where she never has to worry about a store carrying her "size".

Yeah, my lovely wife has problems finding her size.

But, she's got meat on her bones and I prefer that to women that might break if I hold 'em too tight...

I often hear people talking about breaking skinny women...

Are there any actual documented cases of that happening?

Do a google search on that one Red........interested to see what you find. :)

Great thread!!!
I would like to start by saying that I went to get my annual physical, I am 5'10" and about 200#s right now. My doctor told me I am obese? I laughed he told me he would like to see me in the 160-165 range. I laughed out loud and he was serious. I used to work construction before I blew my back out and I have a muscular build with a good layer of insulation. 165? I think he left his crack pipe in his office. I havn't weighed 165 since High School. Nawww I would be happy to get to 180-185.
I used to weigh 240 and I'm down 40# with another 15-20 to go.
My wife is struggling on the other hand. I don't know how to help her. We talk. Funny true story. Wife sat me down and told me" I want you to help me with my wieght, if you see me eating something I shouldn't please let me know." So THE NEXT NIGHT she goes to the freezer and starts unrapping a fudge bar. I gently ask her " do you really need that"?
The fudgecycle hit the wall 6 inches from my head.
How do you explain in the ER that yeah I was hit in the face with a fudge bar?

Yeah - I'm 6ft 260lbs. I gots a cool Dr. - he told me, "According to the AMA & federal guidlines - you are obese. According to me standing here next to you and realizing that you could kick my ass in a heart beat - you are just fine."

:blink: gesh... women...

They are really hard to deal, you wanna help em out, and help them get healthy, but they can get so touchy....

They all say "Honey, let me know If i start to gain weight"

but they sure as heck don't mean it.

That's for darn sure! Don't EVER tell her that she looks fat - gaining weight - or whatever. I don't care if she says, "Be honest" - whatever!! You be honest with a question like that and I promise - Mr. Happy will never find his way into the Happy Hut again!

What you CAN do is constantly encourage them. At least for my wife - when I do see some improvement I will always say something. It gives her a boost to know that I notice her hard work.

That's kinda Where I'm at with Heather now. The easy Encouragement phase. When we met Heather was 112lbs and this is hard to describe accurately, but she had more fat than she has now. Don't get me wrong, she was hot!

But lately she has gotten this crack head like gym addiction and she's 120lbs and toned up like a mo fo. I know she has really toned up some of those trouble areas so the weight she gained has to be muscle, She's got a mean bicep.

But it is really easy for me to encourage her, cuase she is really into it! Heck for her birthday I got her an underarmor workout outfit, and she was estatic. She's getting a yoga mat to do sit ups on for christmas! lol

But what about those of us whose wife isn't into it, how do we turn them around. I'm sure i'll be in this catagory at some point in my life too.

Can't answer that one for ya - my wife is the same as yours. Encourage, encourage, encourage.

I'm going to do it.
pray for my protection.
If you don't hear from me in a few days, send help.

WHOA... bro it's christmas, you might wanna work on your timing?

how are you doing it, what are you gonna say?

Yeah - check ya self before ya wreck ya self!!!

Wut is da plan? Also, where ya gunna be so we can come looking for your body when she's done w/ you!

Yeah, right, timing, I'll wait till after Christmas.
I'll probably tell her I'm going to start working out in the mornings and have her hold my feet for the sit ups, then call her a wimp and challenge her to a sit up contest and loose by a couple.
Maybe see if she'll work out with me without me seeming to push her.
encouragment, right?
Wise as a serpent harmless as a dove.
Tact
after Christmas.
Don't worry Rat I live near lake Michigan so she'll probably throw me in and I'll float over to your side when she's done with me.