I used to have a romantic and I guess naive idea that having kids just multiples the bond and love in a marriage. In my experience I think it's had the opposite effect and driven a wedge rather than a coming together. I love my kids but given a "do-over" I'm not sure I would have them again. How has having kids effected your marriage?

Kiddo's have definately put a strain on our marriage when they were younger. IT's not so bad now. IT was tough agreeing on parenting and we realized that we weren't always on the same page. We did learn that we still needed 'alone' time so we try to go away as often as we can w/o them. If we can get away for a night - great - if not just going out for coffee or a dinner w/o them is really helpful!
I still would have children but I think I would have made more of my childless days than we did. :hug:
Edited to add: I chose to formula feed (I know you BF) b/c I needed that break from the kiddo's. DH and I went away after my first DS when he was 5 months old (and sleeping through the night). It made us going away much easier. I think that really helped out... :hide:

No time now but I'll come back later--Yes--Children are a major added cjomplication--especially when they are unplanned.....

It changes a marriage, bonds you in a way you weren't bonded before BUT puts a tremendous strain on a marriage as well.

I think having children allows your marriage to grow in a different way than if you had remained childless.

And (**looks around for that smilie**) I agree with GM in that it was MUCH more difficult when Andie was younger....now that she's older I somehow feel more like a "family" if that makes sense. There's more quality time that Ty & I can spend together, just the 2 of us, and the time the 3 of us spend together seems to be more quality as well.

I think I rambled a bit, hopefully answered your question somewhat....

:waiting: for String to come back so I can read her view.... B)

I believe that no matter the health of your marriage, adding children to the mix will cause some tension. If your realtionship is healthy and a happy one, the stress of children will not be as great and will be easier to overcome (like AMs dexcription) If your marriage is a hellish place ot be and you are not happy at all, or if the marriage begins after the pregnancy, then things are gonna be a million times harder, especially if it is an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy.

Bad relationships that result in binding pregnanies, hurt. The attentions required of the new baby are intense and mom loses sleep, energy, and literally wears herself djown, especially when dad feels that he doesn't have to help because he's the "breadwinner". He still wants mom's attention, sex, etc, etc, etc, but doesn't freakin' realize that mom is as useful in that area as a stick in the yard..Because of the baby there are so many more stresses and demands made on mom that she can't possibly do it all and so mom and dad fight. Mom may actually hate the unwanted and unplanned child and hate the man who made it happen..The hate and resentment that grew because of the very existence of tht baby certainly aren't going to bond the couple at all......

For me, things are better now but the damage done isn't healed or gone. My relationship to this day is not the greatest and if it weren't for the ropegnancy, I am not sure I would even have married him. But the baby happened, binding me for life.

So I agree with you that the idea that a child will bring you closer together is naive and romantic nonsense..

The biggest difference for us has been financial. We decided to have my wife be a stay-at-home mom for as long as we can hang on. We've buried ourselves in debt attempting to have three and now four people live on one salary.

We have some different things that we are working on to get of the debt now (including possibly having my wife go back to work part-time in the fall).

This financial strain has affected our marriage, but we are trusting God to provide for us in all ways (financially and emotionally).

Children whether it's your first or your 500th put a change in the relationship.... like all changes they have to be adjusted too....

Marriage wasn't an instatn success overnight. Usually the first 3 years suck a lot more than they don't. Adjustment period......

Children throw in another adjustment period, just they do it time and again for the rest of your life....

Jsut when you get it figured out, BAM school.... then BAM Friends and some kind of peer pressure..... BAM Dating and possibly sex.... BAM Driving...... BAM Job Bam steady GF/BF BAM Son-in-law/Daughter-in-law BAM grandkids.......

The first five years are hardest. It is then that they are actually physically dependant on you in almost every way. You have no idea what a relief it is when you child can wipe his own ***! :)

Nah, no "effect" here! :whistle:

How about the existance of children creating the marriage... I wouldn't be married to my husband if it werent for the coming-inot-existance of my first child....
In my case, children were the cause, marriage the effect......

As always, String, you break my heart! What is going to happen when the kids are grown and gone?

Sorry...Im just extra depressed today. Started out the day in argument and so the rest of the day follows...