I'm just beside myself.......awhile ago you remember I posted about cutting my hair & giving it to Locks of Love.

Ty wants my hair to stay long.

I'm getting TIRED of it long, plus it's going to a good cause. It's down to the middle of my back, cutting it will bring it to shoulder level.

He's angry with me (I made the appointment today, told him tonight about it....) and is now giving me the silent treatment.

I don't know what to do..... :( :wall:

And I'm not EVEN going to joke about it because I'm near tears with the way he's making me feel.

I'd still get it cut. First, he can't give you the silent treatment forever, second it'll grow out. He might end up liking it shorter...if he want's long hair - have him grow his hair out...
My hair stylist usually encourages women to do what they want and doesn't like hearing that H's want their wives with long hair etc...
:hug:

Well, I AM still going to get it cut! :)

But it's just not fair the way he's making me feel so guilty about it.....

He went to bed even without saying a word to me, so I can't even talk to him about it tonight. And I STILL don't know if I can talk to him about it because I'm so frustrated.....and when I get so frustrated I cry....and he'll just look at THAT as manipulation on my part.

I'm going to bed. Maybe he'll be awake and we can talk about it.

Why does something so simple have to be so hard?

I understand Ty's point - and I understand yours.

I like my wife's hair long. I am so in favor of it, that she asked my permission before getting it cut. Not a submission "You're the big hairy male and I have to do what you tell me to," type of permission. Rather it was a "You love my hair this way, but I want it cut."

Now, I granted her the permission - with the caveat that I could shave mine if I so desired. Well, it was several weeks before I shaved mine, and she didn't like it. She also doesn't like her hair as short as the stylist :ticked: cut it. We both are unhappy.

I want my hair gone, she doesn't. I want her hair long, she doesn't. We are working together for a happy medium. Perhaps you could sit down with Ty and explain to him why it's so important - Let him know that this is more than just a hairstyle. Let him know that it's important to you to help someone else. Tell him you're going to do it, and that a guilt trip won't stop you - but it will make your and his life miserable.

I think it's for a good cause.

Thanks Clay........that makes alot of sense!

It's more than a submission thing. I've submitted in this particular area the entire 10+ years we've been together.......I think I've gotten my hair cut maybe twice (?), and both times were not nearly as drastic as this will be.

And it's not just the donation thing.......my hair is VERY thick and VERY heavy. Which means very hot, I wear it up all the time and now that it's so long wearing it up gives me headaches.

This morning I'm not upset any more, more angry that he's trying to guilt me into not doing it.

I'm torn between talking about it or just ignorning how he's acting (like I would if Andie was throwing a tantrum or something), and bringing it up again when the date looms closer (it's not until mid-June).

It always amazes me when a husband asserts his authority over something as stupid as hair. What the heck?

I'm with GM, tell him to stop shaving his head and grow his own.

I would be so angry with my H for acting like this that I'd be hateful. Yeah, I know its wrong, but for a little while I'd be like: "Honey, do you want me to wear this today?" "Honey, do you want my to paint my nails pink or red?" "Honey, do you want me to wear the brown sandals or the flip flops" "Why don't you pick out my clothes and my accessories.--Works for Barbie Doll"

I'd be so pissed.

I agree with clay, his behavior is making both of you miserable.

Men! :rollseyes: :angry: :slap:

Such whiney babies!

:D

I love that smilie!!

:slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: :slap:

Makes me feel better!! :P

Yes, I am extremely angry but I'm trying to not let that emotion take over. It's such an insignificant thing to get upset about. On BOTH sides, yannow??

***sigh***

........... I could write a book... bout this subject............ but... I'm not goin to... le's jes say I'll keep it to mysef this time round.....

oh.... who am I kiddin... I cain't keep my mouth shut... so I'll do the distraction thin. Oh!! look a screamin kid in the next room!!

Seriously Louis, I'd like your 2 cents on this one......all kidding aside!

Oh Deb.... this is a lil bit of a button for me... but ok... first off. Ty isn't bein very reasonable, he's literally throwin a fit an I also havta say I don't blame em. Le'me clarify that, while throwin a fit isn't a great idea by any means, I can understand why er what he'd be feelin. Cause I'm sure I'd be actin the same way, I'd literally be throwin a kickin tantrum on the ground. Why? Well... there's a lot of thins, I cain't say what they are for Ty though.

For me, I'd be makin Sarah suffer because I was actin like a horses ass over sumthin silly as er hair. So I argue wit mysef, it's er hair she can do wit it what she wants. Stomps foot! But I like it this way!. An so I argue in my head until it gits to a boilin point an we end up in a fight for a week over sumthin silly.

I adhore long hair. An I do realize that it gits hot, that it's etc work, that it's heavy an causes jes all kinds of problems HOWEVER.... from my perspective... yes ... it does all that an I'm sorry... but uh... deal wit it.. movin right along. Of course that's not a good thin to say, no I couldn't force the issue of jes gittin over it etc. But you an Sarah, ya'll would make it so much easier on Ty an mysef if you'd jes git over it! LOL

I don't like short hair, even though I did try to git Sarah to trim it a couple years back. She refused, an now... lil does she know she'll never be permitted to ever do it agin LOL

So what does it boil down to? that's still kinda tough... I'm arguin over your hair in my own head AND your hair isn't even that long, er I say 'that' long, shorter then I like anyways bein at the middle of your back.

So, it's your hair, do wit it what you will. Try to please your husband at the same time. How do you do that when these are direct opposites? Well, I'd suggest layers. For example, if your hair is at the middle of your back right now an you wanna cut it back to your shoulder, maybe take an inch once a week type thin until you've got it where you want it. Maybe start doin that an see how Ty is wit it.

In one way you'd be showin em that you know he isn't happy but you love an respect em, so your goin to honor em by goin through the motions to help em wit the transition even though the destination is the same.

An also... it is sumthin that Ty would eventually git used to. Unless he's the type that will 12 years from you knock you on your butt an say you cut your hair 12 years ago!!! So I think eventually it'll work out.

Should you be mad that he's actin like this? Sure, but should you be mad in the first place? While that doesn't make alot of sense on the surface le'me elabortate a bit. It's a waste of your energy to be mad at em because he's mad at you. After all that's why your mad, your not mad that he's done anythin in particular aside from the silent treatment, your mad that he's tryin to control your desicon of a sorts an is mad at you. Well, if you've already made up your mind that your goin to do this to your hair then what else is left to fuss bout?

As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think this is one of those 'woman submit to me' type thins. Even though I do believe I'd like it to be hehe. So, your not bein unsumbmissive to Ty er anythin anyways, so I'd jes drop the bein mad thin as it has no out come, nuthin change nuthin to be mad at etc. Ty will git over it, but he may sulk for a while. An then you said sumthin bout the appt. bein a ways off... so when the day comes you can bet you'll havta 'tolerate' Ty agin cause he'll probly git over it before long, but when the day comes everthins liable to go to pieces agin UNLESS the arguement that I suspect he's havin wins in a fashion that it's your hair an though I may not like it, it's still your choice. An if your really lucky, Ty's argument (provided he's havin one) will end sumthin like this as well. I may not like it, it's your choice - not because you decided, but because I as the man have given a gift to my wife an allowed er to do this thin to er hair.

Thins work alot better especially if I think I came up wit it LOL

Better to ask forgiveness than beg for permission.......yanno?

My hubby is so laid back, he's told me he could care less if I were to go do whatever to my hair. Not to gloat here, or anything...that's just what he's told me. I'm just too darn :chicken: to actually do it. :P

Excuse me!?!?!?!? I know you did not just imply that when a woman makes a decision about her own person, on her own that it is a "gift" from her husband!!!!

I'm on fire about that one man!! :box: :box: The personal decision of a human being is not a gift from another human being !!!!!! :guns: :ar15

Believe me if those words were spoken in my house--"its a gift to you to let you make your own decision" that'd be it.

Thanks, Louis......lots of things to think about.....I appreciate it.

Lena....I like the "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" thing, seeing as I'm going to do it anyways!!!

Here's what I predict will happen......he'll come home tonight, I'll ask him if we're friends again. He won't give me a straight answer but won't be giving me the silent treatment anymore. So, we'll be back to :quote: normal :quote: , we'll have some :eyebrows: tonight (or maybe tomorrow)......and after, I'll try to talk to him rationally about it.....somehow he's more recpetive to things then..... B)

Holy toledo! Now THIS girl needs a :chill:

No I don't . Do you agree that to let a woman be her own person and to make her own decisions is a "gift" from her husband????

String, I'm runnin out the door so I cain't fix this right now, but re-read what I wrote, I'm jes pushed for time, what I was sayin was the arguments I have in my own head. I wouldn't dare utter sumthin like that to Sarah... explain more later jes frazzleded wit the day at the moment

A few years ago I decided to let my hair grow out because my husband likes it long. It was about halfway down my back when I realized it, and I, looked like crap. It just so happened that I'd made an appointment for the kids the same day and Tommy was with me in the salon. Not happy about my decision, but he respected my decision. As soon as I turned around in the chair when she was done, he looked at me and said "Wow, you look hot." Guess what? He loves me no matter what! Long hair, short hair - whatever. God gave my husband a desire for ME. It doesn't matter how long my hair is; I'm still hot!

I honestly cannot understand a woman's decision to never cut her hair. Hair is dead and cannot be repaired so after time, dead, uncut hair looks awful. Why is an occasional trim such a bad thing?! It doesn't mean we can't have long hair, it just requires a little care. And what does a man know about a woman's hair? Does that mean a husband should tell a wife what to wear?

:booyah:
I asked DH why men like women to have long hair and he answered with " I dunno. I don't care if it's long or short." I mentioned a friend who is growing out her hair and it looks terrible. She doesn't style it and it just 'drains' her...and he couldn't answer.
DH doesn't care what I do to my hair. He likes blonds but I've got mine colored almost black with red tones in it :D...He likes it... :thumbsup: :whistle:

I totally agree. I have seen so many women with long hair who think its just beautiful, but they hadn't so much as trimmed it in ages and all those split ends were standing out making the color dull and the mass nasty looking..If you're gonna have long hair the lest you can do is trim the ends a few times a year to get rid of the split damaged parts.. :nono:

What don't understand is why Ty, or any man for that matter, would act like a spoiled child adn pout about swuch a meager thing as hair... :screwy:
Mine has acted that way before and it toatlly baffled me. I seriously thought the childish behavior was supposed to be left in childhood... :dunno:

My oldest SIL hasn't cut her hair in years. I don't think my BIL will allow it. (BTW, he also tells her what to wear, how to wear her make up, and DEMANDS she change her purse evertime she leaves the house so that it matches her shoes.) Her hair is down to her waist. She's worn it up, twisted into a bun for years. She's 53 now, and her hair is thinning due to the stress of being twisted and pulled into a bun every day for more than 30 years. It's damaged, and dull looking too. How attractive is that to a man?!! Long hair, just for the sake of long hair? It's ridiculous.

I have long hair and I get it trimmed a few times a year. :thanks: I could never stand short hair.

I speak those words in my home all the time.......










































But I'm also aiming them at my son not Misty......

Misty has full right and permission to do whatever she want's for her hair (or body), I'd appreciate being kept in the loop about it though.

Though she get's pissed whenever I trim up / Shave my vandyke, adn she starts nagging me when my hair get's to the length I like which is longer than she likes... I keep telling her that my hair was longer than that when she first was attracted to me and she changes the subject....

Your body your choice, Ty just has to grow up and take it like a man. He's not the one that has to wash it dry it style it and maintain it every day. And it's not liek you'r jsut getting it chopped for the hell of it and getting charged an unsightly sum, you're donating it to kids....

My wife goes and dyes her hair... I personally don't understand why, it doesn't increase my desire for her (doesn't lessen it either) she does it for pure vanity she doesn't liek the amount of gray in her hair.... I find her to be sexy wheterh her hair is brown black blonde red gray nonexistant.... I love her for her not for her hair......
DAMMIT another :soapbox: where teh hell do these things come from....

Thanks Raspy....... :hug:

Update to say he's acting totally normal today, guess he thought about it and slept on it.

Hasn't brought it up but at least he's not acting like a baby.

Maybe hopefully he decided that even tho he may not like it, he's gotta deal with it.

Or maybe he decided that there are ways I could make his life a living hell and he'd better choose his battles wisely....... B)

Maybe he was just PMSy... :P

Oh Lord, that is ENTIRELY possible.

I'm a firm believer that men PMS just like us women do........sometimes worse. :P

Ok string, what I was talkin botu was the the argements that go on in my own head. If Ty was havin the same type of arguements that I have wit mysef, it's one of the thins I tell mysef. so for example, in my own head as I'm wresttlin back an forth wit sumthin like that, I might end up convincein mysef that it's a bit of a gift from me. In a lot of ways it truly is cause I could give the gift, even if Sarah never knows it, the gift of lettin sumthin go, not fightin it, not arguin er makin er feel bad bout this er that. So durin the process of my arguements in my head it works out better for Sarah if I convince mysef that it's actually me that's doin sumthin to restore the marriage er rather not fightin no more.

I cain't hardly think worth a hoot right now.. I'm kinda impaired... which reminds me I need to burn some more of that tree... but I needed a tire.. an those are at my dad's place... Sarah would never le'me go an git one... she's such a turd.

hmmm good example... need a good one... cain't think of one. Ther have been times when we've fought over sumthin an I'll go to arguin wit mysef, er maybe even wit God I donno. An I have to argue wit mysef bout the finer points of thins, so le's say Sarah wanted to cut er beautiful long hair. I might argue back an forth bout how it directly affects me, how I don't like it etc etc etc, an on the flip side I would argue wit mysef how it's to heavy, to hard to manage, to hot etc etc. In the end, I may in my own mind say, I don't like it, not goin to like it BUT because I love er, I'm goin to allow it. Now that's not an outward, Sarah go cut your hair, it's an inward, I don't like it but I choose to let my wife do wit er hair what she wants to. so I give the gift to er (even if she never knows it) to let it go, to not fight it, to let er do what she wants to er own hair. does that make any better sense? It's not a matter of lordin sumthin over er er bein controllin. See it works better for er cause I have decided to let it go, not to fight it, to allow it from my position regardless of wether er not it's sumthin I could even learn to live wit let alone like. I have given up, an then everthin is peachy of sorts. So that's what I meant when I said bout Ty, hopefully if he's havin the same arguements the thin I have found that best helps me is when I think I'm the one that's done sumthin... beats me maybe it's a guy thin I donno, maybe it is a control thin I donno that either, but when I've done this an especially when Sarah never knows I've done it, it makes my world, my own personal world a better place to live. I'll havta read this in the mornin an make sure it worked out the right way.

I did however love the build up an detontation of your atomic bomb, I actually LOL'd hehe

An guy pms?? Pulease... that's jes sumthin some crazy o'l hag come up wit years ago.. it doesn't exsits I NEVER have days like that :P

Ok..I feel better now..

Thanks about the bomb!!

I see our presentation of ourselves to our spices (isn't that the plural of spouse?) as a gift to them. I want to keep myself looking good for my wife - and she wants to look good for me. I'm not talking about all dolled up and made up every day, but don't let yourself go to hell in a handbasket, either.

Yes, my head - with 1/4" of hair on it - belongs to her. I want it gone, but she wants it there. So she cuts it short for me and I don't have to spend money at a barber. I like hers long, but she's expressed the same problems as Deb. And, we live in a similar climate to Deb - 90F (35C) days and 80F (28C) nights with 150% (225 metric %) humidity during the summer.

So, we agree on a compromise. No, it's not an "everybody loses" compromise, it's actually an "everybody wins" compromise. She keeps her hair longer than she really wants because I find it attractive. And I keep my hair because she finds it attractive.

In a world where everybody is fighting over "MY! MY! MY! MY!", we are truly seeking the servant leadership roles - to love each other as Christ loves the church. It has made our relationship so much better.

Example: Last night, I had to go to the prison ministry. The kitchen wasn't quite done. She promised she would do it. But she decided to go out and play with the kids since her back isn't hurting anymore. When I came home from the prison, the kitchen was a mess. I didn't say a word about it. But I left it a mess and went to bed.

This morning, I woke up early and started working on a webpage for a friend. She got up later, and got her coffee and went to the living room. The kitchen was still a mess. I got pissed - but didn't say anything. I wanted to make pancakes, but the stove was dirty. I had to clean the kitchen before I could make breakfast. So I started doing the work. She came in apologizing that she forgot to clean the kitchen. She explained about how good her back felt, and that she wanted to play with the kids - then forgot. She jumped in with both feet and started helping me clean the kitchen.

I'm not patting myself on the back. If I were a true servant leader, I would have cleaned the kitchen without getting pissed. Likely, I would have cleaned it last night. But I left it there, giving her a chance to make it right.

I will say, however, that the results of my actions were a lot more pleasant than what would have resulted if I'd said what was on my mind.

In the end, it's not about me. My life is all about her. And, she reciprocates. Her life is all about the kids - then me. But we are working hard to put ourselves last in our relationship. And it is working.

So, about the hair, I think Ty is being selfish. Deb, if you're donating it, go ahead and do it. It'll grow back. Perhaps this would be a wonderful summer thing to do. Maybe even find a way to correspond with a recipient of a Locks of Love wig. 'Specially if it's some kid Andie's (oops: Andrea!) age. That will hit his heart like a Mack truck.

Thanks Clay!! :hug:

'nuff said.....I'm going to do it. He'll get over it and deal with it, maybe sooner, maybe later. I WILL say that I know the minimum donation length is 10 inches. I'll get the hairdresser to cut the bare minimum, so I can leave it the longest possible....even tho I'd love to get it cut above my shoulders.

Done and done!! B)

I will say (my hair is currently long b/c of me :thanks: ) but I do cut it regularly and one of the BEST feelings is putting short hair in a pony tail. IT's light, springy and well...fun!

PMS - Allows women to behave once a month like men do every day!!! :gotcha:

That's sigworthy Hope! Love it!!

Outstanding! :hug:

Like I said - make it personal for him. Get Locks of Love to send you information on some people who have received wigs from them. Particularly 5-year-old girls. That'll hit his heart, and he may ask that you match his hairdo so you can help more people!

I met a kid last summer from a small Texas town called Hutto. One of his classmates had survived cancer a few years back, and everyone in the class shaved their heads for moral support. Since then, the school has relaxed its policy on long hair - as long as they promise to donate their hair. The reason - most kids were so involved with the sick kid, that they wanted to do whatever they could to help. It was an amazing story. The kid I met was a boy whose hair was nearly a foot long. I thought he was a girl! :lol:

Locks of Love is a wonderful program. DW has done it a couple of times. Her hair grows so slowly that it takes nearly two years to get 10"...

*Honey wonders how long her hair is...*

Thanks String :bravo:

Mine's even slower than that... :(

Anyone know any ways to make hair grow more quickly??

Hey I do not start crying because I'm all bloaty......


and I thought I erased all the video footage that said otherwise.... dman must have missed one....