We are filling a jar with stones for good behavior for Kat and so far she is doing well. One of the things she gets stones for is for trying hard on her schoolwork and doing it without whining. She was wanting to do some extra schoolwork in order to earn extra stones. How do y'all that use this system handle things like that? Do you give out extra tokens for extra work?

Yes, I would. Because you're using the stones to reinforce her good behaviour, and her showing an interest in doing extra work is definitely a step in the right direction!

Of course, you might want to put a limit on how many extra stones she can get, yannow? Like only 1 per day or something.......

Glad you found something that is working for you! What's the reward going to be?

Kat wants some funky DVD, beats me what it's called, snowwhite sumthine er nother. One thin I suggested today when Kat was excited that she was nearin er reward ALREADY!!! goin to cost me out the backside this system.... anyways, she needs 15 rocks to git the DVD, but I told er she had to pay me those 15 stones in exchange for the dvd, an sumthin I wanted to try was say she needs 15 for the dvd, well if she had 25 then she got sumthin even bigger er better type thin. Make it sorta like a money system an teach er to save some an the like.

Ya'll think it's a bad idea to have er pay me the stones to git the reward? Otherwise, I think we'll be countin a buncha rocks etc an we need a way to know how many she got this time an next etc. This is the pilot program right now anyways, but she seems really interested in doin it, but wasn't thrilled when I said she'd have to pay the stones to me to git the dvd.

No, I think the way you guys are doing it is great. She knows the DVD costs 15 stones. So, you can tell her that she can spend all her stones on that OR save up for something else she wants (bigger & better, like you said) that will be 20 stones.

Along the teaching her money and saving thing, you could also say if there was a book she wanted, it would only be 10 stones.....

We used to do something like that with Brit to teach her money, and adding and subtracting money.

We went out and bout a buttload of the fake money from walgreens, Misty and I paid her a daily allowance withet he fake money, and she could buy herself treats.

I get to be kinda a jerk when it comes to "reward systems" if the kids start doing all kinds of stuff just to earn points... I scrap the entire system.... My son is very greedy that way, but I rewarded extra heavy for acts that came fromt he heart and out of the blue....

My son would go and mow my FIL's yard (4 acres and he's not inthe best of health... he can outrun me with no prob and keep going long after I'm calling hte ambulance for my heart attack... but he doesn't need to work an entire 4 acre yard by himself) I'd give a little extra for a reward... if they tell me "I'm going to do the dishes that's 5 points that's all I need left to get XYZ, I tell them to rethink their priorities....

With some of my more difficult little turds I use a system where they earn points and they can save them or spend them on simple things. It becomes like a money system, it seems to work well. I would set the stakes a little higher and make her work all week just to afford one thing. One thing I do is I will also have cheaper things you could buy after only one day but you can only buy it on Fridays when the "store" is "open".

I have to disagree with Raspy (surprise, surprise) again because I think that we all get rewarded for doing our jobs and why should kids be any different. I love my job but if they stopped paying me I wouldn't be here tomorrow. As far as doing "nice things" I don't think they should get a reward. My kids get lots of "I'm really proud of you" and hi-fives and the like when they go above and beyond but I don't reward them. It's like when you help somebody with something- often it isn't more than a "thanks" you want so I try and not cheapen what they've done with some "monetary" reward.

Just my .02.

you better not be calling my kiddo a turd!!!! :gotcha:

:thumbsup:


I also take out marbles when they behave really bad. They usually get a warning and if it continues, they lose marbles (that usually works before having to discipline)...

I am a full time stay at home mom and no, siege, I don't get rewarded for doing my job. You work all day, you educate the kids, do the dishes, wipe their butts, laundry, messes, pets, toilets, etc...and no there is no reward for doing it. Just gotta start over and do more the next day. Being a SAHM is a rewardless, thankless, no-time-off job. I once saw a thing that said that if SAHMs got paid the going rate for their work, they'd be paid about 130,000 per year...

I think the point Raspy was trying to make was when the kids start trying to earn more and more reward by volunteering to do more, like kat and her schoolwork, and his kids demanding points for the work they did, so they can get more stuff, the line must be drawn. We cannot demand our employers to pay us more for more work, and the same goes for children. When they get demanding and start trying to work the system to their advantage, its time to learn the value of good deeds and the reality that you don't get paid for them.


I believe that as members of the family the children should learn that there are responsibilities that they must acquire as they grow older. We are also talking about the reward thing for our kids, but they will only get rewards when they are obedient and do their chores, etc... We also have discused the use of marbles for "purchasing power" to use to teach them the value of money, saving, and spending.. That is a great idea there L &S..

As for extra stones for extra "good deeds", I wouldn't do it. How then, would she learnd the value of doing good without the expectation of reward?? In our home the expected chores and obedience will earn marbles, whereas the above and beyond good behavior that demonstrates the Fruit of the Spirit will be acknowledged and praised, but ours won't get goodies for it.. In Real Life we don't get rewarded for being the Good Samaritan or being extra kind to others, so I think that we should teach our children not to expect rewards for those extra things...

What we have started doing is when we notice one of the kids doing something very good for their bro. or sis. or being very kind,( and they must not know that we have noticed, so they can't try to show off to earn it), then they get the big red plate at dinner time. I read this idea somewhere.. We bought a big red plate and explained to the children that when we see them behaving extra good and showing the fruit of the spirit like God wants us to , then we will reward that person with the special plate at dinner time. It is not an every day thing. The plate only comes out occasionally when we notice them being really nice and sharing without being told or something..They like it and it makes them feel special. Usually the next day tey are trying to get noticed being good so they could get the plate, but we had to explain that they cannot try to get it. they will get it only when we notice them without their knowing...They really like it.

The thing is when they start doing stuff just for points / rewards.

I go above and beyond at work because it's what is needed not because I'll get a DVD.

Incentive drives are one thing. But I think that it promotes greed. Sell your ass off and we'll give you a car. Well why the hell aren't you selling your ass off anyway?

I think it promotes a negative effect on the work ethic I'm trying to teach my kids.

Do things just to get stuff.

If I did that I could make a lot of money breaking legs, and other illegal activities, I choose not to take that road.

I prefer to make the kids earn things, but also to pay attention to whether or not they're doing their chores just to get things.

I dont' go to work just so I can buy games, and screw around when I'm not working, I go to work to support my family, put a roof over their head and clothes on their backs and food in their bellies. That's what I'm trying to teach my kids and why I use the method I do.... My son is also going to be 15 in a couple weeks.. I need him to develop a work ethic soon or I'm gonna be saddled with his butt trying to freeload off his mother and I for the rest of his life. Because he doesn't have one right now. He expects everything just to be handed to him and doesn't want to lift a finger.

At what age do you start these systems? My oldest is only four. We have tried a sticker chart for things like teeth brushing, but she loses interest after about a week.

I agree wit you Raspy. Although, I'm sorta bent over a barrel at the same time. I agree that kids shouldn't, nor should anyone else, jes do thins because of an only because of, they'll git sumthin in return. I used to run a shop years ago an it drove me nuts that people wanted to take lunch, it was a learnin expereince for me, cause some people do need a lunch, but I was more to the point of, if your at work then work!

I think folks should be given a 100% all the time, other wise they are stealin time from employeers etc, however, in the system we are currently usin, I'm not sure it promotes greed really. In my opinion it's a bit like instillin a work ethic. My daughter has to work, ie. doin er school work, makin er bed etc an for that job, I pay er a salary. That salary is what she gits to use to 'buy' dvd's er what have you. Thinkin more bout this, I think I'm goin to change it from a prize er reward type thin to commerce. We might could give er a list of thins she 'can' buy wit er rocks an then she can decide how, er what etc she wants. At first we were goin to make it towards a deal, where she'd work towards a prize, print a picture of it an remind er what she was workin for. But I don't want er motivated only because there is sumthin in it for her. I donno, goin to havta think bout this a bit more.

We tried the sticker chart as well... it flopped big time. So this is the new pilot program we're tryin, we tried the sticker chart at the 2-3 age.... uh.. I think.. 3 for sure. She's now 5 jes turned an we've started the fancy rocks in a jar deal. Like Raspy's son of 15, I think that's a lil to old to try sumthin like that, an I figure when Kat's 8 er so, by then this will be to below er to wanna mess wit, an I might havta actually start payin real money er sumthin.

I have never liked allowances. I don't wanna give someone sumthin for nuthin type thin er make em think they can jes expect the hand out. So I donno, like I says I'll havta think some more on this one.

Edit to say: you have to find what interests her, too....stickers don't interest our daughter at all, but she's really into flowers so that's why we did the reward flower thing. You can get really pretty "jewels" at any craft store, get a pretty dish, let her put a jewel in the dish. You can use anything, whatever your child is in to.

The key is, tho, that the kid has to see almost instant reward with whatever you try. For younger kids, that is.....like 3 or 4.

If you tell her to fill up that WHOLE ROW (6 or 7) with stickers and then she'll get her reward, she's thinking, "Yeah, RIGHT!! WAAAAY too much work!"

BUT if you tell her that she gets a reward after TWO stickers, then in her mind that's an achieveable thing.

Then you up it to 4 stickers for the reward.....then up it to 7.....

You need to give them a sense of accomplishment, the "YEAH! I can DO this!!" feeling in order for it to really work.

We did reward "flowers" with our daughter.....(put a flower in the vase for the positive, take one out for the negative).....I think I only started out with like 3 flowers.

Now it's up to 10, and we only have to bring them out for something that's really a problem. Most recently she was having trouble staying in bed at night, she'd get up for NO reason like 3 or 4 times at night. So, every night she stayed in bed, the next morning she got to put in a flower. If she got OUT of bed, she'd take a flower out of the vase on our way back to her room.

We started at age 2 1/2 with marbles in a tiny jar (gerber 1st foods tiny jar). The first prize was a hot wheel or something but he was so excited. We slowly moved up in jar size and now it takes them a few months to fill. Also...the jars are in view in our family room so it's a constant reminder.

String and the other SAHM/Ds here... you are the exception to the rule. Being a SAHM is probably the most difficult job there is. As an educator I am very, very, very glad when I get to call in for sick days and get to dump them off at the bus every afternoon. My wife is going to school to be a Chiropractor and there is talk about me being a SAHD and I seriously don't know if I have what it takes to do it!

I was just using the example of payment for jobs- I wasn't trying to cheapen what Stay-at-homes do, not in the least. It is probably the most difficult job with the highest responsibility I can think of!

As far as Raspy's 15 year old. My dad would pay us for chores done around the house and we had jobs during the summer. To teach us about money he'd charge us rent and when we'd go out to eat, we'd pay for ourselves. (He intended to save all the money we'd paid in rent and give it back to us when we graduated h.s. but we ran into some financial difficulties and that fell through!) I had to buy my own school clothes and other stuff. It taught me really quick what the value of money is!

Well with the 15 year old it's pay for grades, and allowance....

I know, siege...I am just pissy this week and needed to rant...Please forgive me and don't take it personally.. :wave:

Soooo...what constitutes "good behavior"? Or - what does it take for them to NOT get the rock, marble, or whatever you are using?

I'm thinkin' this may work w/ Maddy (4) - but wanna know what kinda guidelines you guys setup when you started doing it. Right now she has "chores" to do - make her bed, feed the dog, brush her teeth ect..., but no reward for them. She hardly remembers to do them - and we have to always remind her to do them - thinkin' the "reward" thing may help with that. BUT - does this also go towards behavior during the day? Is it a daily thing? Weekly? ectt....
laters,

We use it for aomething major that Andrea needs to work on. We got them initially because we were having a real issue with her staying in bed at night after she went down. She'd get up a couple times while we were up, then 3 or 4 or more during the rest of the night!!

So we started the reward flowers. Each morning she got to put in a flower if she stayed in bed all night. If she got out of bed (for a ridiculous reason, you know what I mean), then on our way walking her back to bed, she'd take OUT a flower.

Now I've started it up again because we're getting the whining and procrastinating at bedtime. So, each night she is a big girl about getting ready for bed, in goes a flower. Whining and complaining.........out one goes.

For your daughter, to let her see how GREAT it is to get the reward, maybe start out by letting her do a flower (jewel/stone/sticker/whatever) EACH time she does one of the chores she has, WITHOUT reminding. That may mean she gets 5 flowers in one day BUT she sees the benefit. Make it really easy the first few times.....if she gets 4 flowers, that's a trip to Dairy Queen. Sure, you might be going that same night BUT she gets almost instant gratification and sees that it'll really work for her.

Then you up the ante....make it 10 flowers. OR change it up to if she does all her chores in one day, she gets a flower at the end of the day. If you have to remind her, out goes a flower. And be sure that SHE takes it out, means more that way somehow.

The biggest thing is to "LET" the kids "win" the first couple times, so they get the idea, get a taste of the reward. They know it is attainable, if that makes sense.

But it has to be at least a daily thing, if you make it a weekly thing, they'll lose interest. And be sure to put whatever you use in a central prominent place....as a constant reminder, yannow?

:agree:

Yah, like yeserday, Kat got er dvd, an I made er pay me the 15 stones last night, but she was also a bad girl at church in not listenin for when it was time to go, so after she paid me, I told er she had to pay er mom a stone as well. She was NOT pleased bout that, an felt like she had to start all over agin an the like, (she still had an extra stone left over anyways) but it wasn't a big deal today, she got er stones for doin er school work an the like an everthins right as rain. We fowled up on the reward though, er what she was allowed to buy, cause that frickin dvd cost me 20 bucks! I had *thought* it was goin to be one of em 5 dollar jobbies, but Sarah told me she spent 20 bucks on the thin.

So we're goin to make up a lil bit of a list of thins that Kat can buy wit er stones, lil colorin books, er a dress that type of stuff then she can decide like once a week what she'll buy.

What constitues good behavior? For us it'd be Kat doin the thins she already knows she needs to do, like listenin an she didn't last night which is why she lost a stone. Though, she was sorta playin round tonight while brushin er teeth, it really wasn't "worth" removin a stone so I sorta jes told er that was enough an let it go, I did NOT threatin a loss of a stone, that's my trump card an don't wanna lose it jes yet type thin.

:agree:

Good behavior is obedience the first time the children are told. Any whining, complaining, or "forgetting" doesn't get a marble. Multiple reminders to do xyz gets punishment. I think i'll try the marble removal for Elijah on that one because punishment isn't a good enough otivation for him...

We decided that each marble is worht 5 cents. Some things get more marble rewards than others. That way they have to save up for what they want to buy and we don't end up spending 20 bucks like A2j... They gotta earn every nickle.