Okay..first a brief history....


When I was growing up my stepfatehr peeked in on me in the bathroom while he thought I wasn't aware...I was. I caught him once looking under the sheets while I slept..I confronted him nad it stopped for a while but the last time it happened I was 15...Flash forward to today adn my kids want to spend the night with Grandparents. My mom swears that heis "healed" through the grace of God and that he would never do anything like that again. CLiff is afraid to let my daughter stauy the night for fear that he may mnolest her or something. I hate to deny my mother time with her grandaughter, and I have talked to her and will continue to tell her to never let him be alone with her at all...
I can't keep makeing lame excuses whuy the boys can visit adn stay the night but she can't. I want her to stay the night with grandma, she has fun. Cliff says thta now that she has grown out of the baby look and is looking like a cute little g9irl he worries more....

What should we do??

That IS a tough call.

How old is she? Have you had the discussion with her about "bad touch" and all that stuff?

Maybe when she spends the night tell your mom that she has to sleep WITH your daughter, at least in the same room? They could "camp out" on the floor, something like that.

It IS unfair to deny both your daughter and your mom of quality time together, but I'd be really hesitant as well.....

She's 5..We've kind of talked about the touch issue a litttle...

I'd allow a visit but not a sleep over. Sorry.
My kiddo's have slept over my parents home when we go away for the wknd but not just to have 'time' with them...
My suggestion: if you want the grandparents to have time with the grandchildren, let them have them ALL day Sat and pic them up Sat. night. :dunno:

Thta is what my husband thinks...My mom doesn't see the kids much because they live in a different town, so visits re few..I feel bad about restircting her time with them, or more specifically with Anneliese, but there is that risk.....

Dunno it would be a very tough call....

No matter how much Misty's Exe's Mom begs we still say no when she asks if Zach and Brit can spend the night....

Gary beat my son, and molested my neice, and we believe that he did the same to both my son and daughter.

It hurts to deny a grandparent, but it would hurt worse to put a child in that kind of danger.

I'd break it down for her. She want's the girl to spend the night... Tour stepfather has to be somewhere else. If he's in the house your daughter isn't staying alone.

Or... Invite your Ma to spend the weekend every once in a while....

The last time I talked to her about it was a coupel of years ago and she go all emotional and started crying and telling me he has changed yada yada...Itold her that he was watching me almost every time I went into the restroom and she actually told me I was wrong, that it did not happen as muchas i thought it did. She wasn't there..She was at work..So how would she know??? She is in some level of denial about it all and to bring this up to her woudl be extremely painful to her and hard....I thought about emailin her about it....,.

:agree:

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What are you HIPPIES talking about....this is a SUPER EASY call.


NO FREAKIN' WAY.....


Stepdad messed up, and that has consequences. And even though he's "healed", there is the possibility and that's enough to say "NO".


"But Squat, what about forgivness and trusting God".
You can forgive and still not trust someone; plus why put someone (stepdaddy) in position of even remote temptation in which YOU would be responsible for the disaster WITH YOUR OWN KIDS....that, my friends, is NOT trusting God with YOUR OWN parental responsibilies....keeping 'em safe.

"But what about my relationship to my mom and stepdad?
Bah...your immediate comes first. And SHOOT anybody that gets or tries to get in-between.




I say no...

:stupid: :agree:

I know...But its hard to deny mother for his mistakes.....Do you think I should approach her with this in an email, or just skirt the issues until she asks??

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no it's not....they are "one flesh".


She has some of the responsibility for marrying a turkey.

I know...I think she has emotional issues of her own..I couldn't imagine any other reason that she'd put up with/look the other way/ allow some of the crap that he's pulled. I think that she wanted/wants her family to bea real and complete nuclear family rather than a step-parent/stepchild half-sister blah blah family...

you're not denying her you're protecting yours....

You're mother moves into a fire trap... you gonna send the kids over or you gonna say sorry their safety is paramount you come here

No such animal....

No such thing as a happy family....

We're all messed up, we all mess up, we're all gonna mess up at some point inthe future....

Closest thing to a "Happy" family is a content family.......

That means keeping the tykes safe..... even if they're 33.... YES MOM I WORE MY FREAKING SCARF TODAY!!!!!!

oops sorry I got off on a tangent......

Squat's right. Allow mom over but if he gets any contact- to me- it's too much. My wife has someone in her family with this difficulty. He'll never watch our kids... ever.

I WOULDN'T discuss such an issue with an email. She can 'misread' the email and it make a HUGE mess...If it comes up, I would discuss it with her in person or t least over the phone.
Does 'he' ever go away on business trips or with friends?
One more thing: If she was in denial about things happening to you...what if something were to happen...would she admit it? Sounds like she wouldn't.
We live 1 hour away from our parents and they get them ALL day on Sundays and by then - both gparents and gkids are pooped! :wave:

Does your step-dad ever go away for the weekend, fishing or something? If so, then the kids can stay over with their grandmother. Otherwise no.

On another point, if he ever touched you, you should alert the police. The statute-of-limitations might have pasted for your case, but who's to say he hasn't touched other kids in the neighborhood.

I don't know that they can do much for watching though.

No he never even tried. I was young, but I screamned adn yelled at him enough about it that he didn't dare...Ande there are no other kids in the neighborhood...They have very few neighbors besides cows...