"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of
people in the world. There are those who wake up in
the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there
are those who wake up in
the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's
morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone
in a large city because he was short of time and
couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a
note under the windshield wiper that
read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I
don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive
us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a
police officer along with this note "I've circled
this block for 10 years. If I
don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead
us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one
Sunday and
announced to his congregation: "I have good
news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough
money to pay for our new building program. The bad
news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught
up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage
obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a
hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and
grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with
a question,
"Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A
hand
shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said
the kindergarten boy. "Really?
How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in
Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have
his car filled with gas just before a long
holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but
there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the
attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about
the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the last
minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you
mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back
of the church, and the center of attention.
========
A father was approached by his small son who
told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you
mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the
Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy." the young boy replied
excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before
Leaving Earth.' ========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very
young daughter
what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared,
you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for
tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday
school lesson was about.
He said, "Be not afraid, thy comforter is
coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts
of how he was
going to ask the congregation to come up
with more money than they were expecting for repairs
to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
regular organist was sick and a substitute had been
brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted
to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said
impatiently. "But,
you'll have to think of something to play
after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and
said,
"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great
difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as
we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who
can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist
played "The Star
Spangled Banner." And that is how the
substitute became the regular organist!
________
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!
Good chuckles! :thumbsup: