What A2J said in response to Clay's update got me thinking...

Right now, we know of several couples who are in the process of filing for divorce and it just makes me sick. To me, that means that satan wins.

This morning I was thinking, wow, I really need to pray for these couples. Then I thought, what do I do to protect my own marriage? Not that I shouldn't do everything I possibly can do in the spiritual realm to help these guys, but I also need to protect my own blessed union.

So how do you protect your marriage?

How do I protect my marriage? I remember the good woman I married. It keeps me from saying the wrong thing in the wrong place. For example, I was volunteering at VBS (I was the only guy there) and the adults were all talking. I find myself in this sort of situation all the time - 99% female, 1% male. The topic turned to "My husband does this. My husband does that." Rather than get involved and start finding out how bad their husbands are, I just left the situation.

There was a time when I lingered too long and the lady said, "I wish I'd married you instead." Whoa! Back the truck up! I said, "I think we need to change the subject" and moved on.

I told my wife about my discouragement, and she said, "I think you're doing a wonderful job." I reminded her it's results I want to see, not kudos. And she gave me a big hug. That's results!

It's gotta be a multi-faceted thing! You can't just do one thing to guard your marriage. Some things my wife and I do are:

-Attending a marriage conference once a year.
-Date night every week
-Going on vacations a few times a year (even small ones are okay)
-Valuing time together
-Family meetings (though it's just the two of us)
-Coffee together once a week
-Doing the 3 things every night (1 thing that hurt you today that the other did sandwiched by two things you appreciated about the person that day)
-Reading books together
-Reading books about Family Planning or marriage together
-Naked wrestle
-Talk, talk, talk
-email, email, email
-text, text, text
-send flowers occasionally
-buy gifts
-Stay in shape
-Keep Christ your focus
-Brag about your spouse in public and alone
-Attend a Couples Bible Study
-Instead of whining about the dishes not being done just do them.
-Assume the best of the other person, always.
-smooch, smooch, smooch
-value your love making and make it a priority

Way to go guys!

Of course it's more than one thing. I think we do alot of these things without actually labeling them as something you do to protect your relationship. It's just how you love each other.

It definitely can be easy to take things for granted, but given the divorce rate, even among "devout" Christians, we cannot be slack in fighting for our marriages--I've learned that lesson through much pain.

I have told String that, although I can't make make her decision, I'll never file for divorce. Never. I have made an unbreakable commitment to her and to God, to be her spouse through good and bad. I'm going to keep that commitment and stand by her regardless of how hard it may become at times. With God's help, I know that we can overcome all obstacles to having a happy, fulfilling marriage.

Thanks for the ideas, seige. Some would be hard to implement with 3 kids, but we definitely should work hard to strengthen our marriage.

Basil

I won't say I'll never file... I will say I do not ever plan on filing.... once we bring the "N" word in it seems like God goes.. oh yeah you think so do ya... then kicks ya right in the bahogies......


I'll never have premarital sex..... D'OH!!!!!
I'll never do somethign stupid and get arrested.... Double D'OH!!!!
I'll never <Fill in the Blank>........

Misty concurs... she said she'd never file for divorce... then her ex cheated on her beat her and abused the kids... She was gone like a shot......

Now we say we don't plan on instead we'll never......

Good point. It's seems a little silly to say never, but I think that it's inferred that the "intent" is to never divorce. If Mandy starts using crack, beats me (in a way I don't like), becomes promiscuous, etc. I might divorce her after much efforts at intervention first. It still have a hard time saying that, because when someone become self-destructive or abusive, I just pity them. I wouldn't want to abandon her, even if serious problems arose. I doubt I'd file or sign divorce papers--I might separate from her if safely was an issue.

Basil

That's not God! That's satan.

God doesn't tempt you or push you. God encourages you and loves you.

I think it's when you say, yeah, I might consider divorce if... that you get yourself into trouble. Just allowing that little sliver of doubt to seep in...

I agree with you, Lynn. God has told us that He will never put us through anything we can't handle if we lean on Him. I also see another aspect to this topic... by saying that you don't plan on divorce but it is an option that you are willing to pursue:
1) It implies that the other person must earn your love and commitment, or at the very least can do something to lose it.
2) It sets you up for failure... as soon as satan sees an oportunity to break up your marriage he will and if you go into it with leaving as an option it has you already halfway out the door.
3) It undermines out commitment to God and each other. I feel like it says, "God, I trust you this much that you put my spouse into my life, but......" and that is a REALLY big but. Marriage is to be an earthly example of God's desire of a realtionship with us and He doesn't enter into it saying I will love you if, I will stay with you unless.... etc.

That's all I have to say about that.

Hey... don't forget to sets your clocks back this weekend!

Welcome back, FunnyGirl!

Good to hear from you FunnyGirl. And good points. Thank you.

Thanks for the welcome.... I am around just in the middle of a doctoral program and loading down with work. Not a lot of time to hang out on the forum... CJ keeps me up to date on some of the info though. :wave: