Okay her is the scenario: LCiff has to be at worki at 6:00AM. He wakes at 4 AM so he can shower, take care of bathroom business, shave and get dressed and out of the house. I am expected to wake at 4AM too so that I can iron his shirts, make his lunch, etc...
I do not function well when getting up at 4 AM. IF I stay awake after he leaves, then I am running out of fuel by 8 AM or 9. I could go back to sleep after he leaves(at 5:30), but ther eis still an hour nad a half gap in my sleep plus half an hour or so time trying to fall back asleep. So that is about two hours brak in my sleep. When I do wake after that I feel drained and run dowm. Big chunks of sleep and waking just don't make me feel good adn I am pretty much non-functional or at least function minimally throughout the day, which isn't good for me or the kids or the house...BUT he says at least I am not having to work that schedule. That the least sacrifice I can do is to get up at 4 to help him in the mornings.. That it doesn't matter aslong as I get enough sleep and that if I go to bed early(8 PM or earlier) that I will feelk fine and function well. I totally disagree. I have not and cannot be an early to bed person. My circadian rhythyms refuse and I lie awake for long times often, especially if I go to bed after he leaves for work.

So I can choose to either :

1. Stay awasy and be exhausted and useless by 8-9 AM..

OR

2. Go back to sleep and get broken chunked up rest that produces a practically non-functional me.

Keep in mind that I still have to wake every night to take both of my older two kids, who are bedwetters, to the toilet with the hopes of a dry night.

Am I just being selfish wishing that I could sleep when it suits me for better functioning??? I feel like he is laying a guilt trip on me to just accept it as a sacrifice that I have to make.....just as he makes sacrifices, this one is just mine...

Also its not exactly possible to just let me sleep without disturbing me. He'd turn on the light to get clothes and we don't have a door on our bedroom as you know..And that blaring alarm will wake me most of the time...

I'm sorry that this has been so hard on you. Because I love you, I will talk to my boss about working an hour or two later. I just like to get the days work done asap, so I can get home to be with you and the kids. To be honest, if I could start at 5 AM and be off even earlier, I'd be very tempted to do it. If I liked my job, it might be different. I'll work on finding something I like better.

I'll also try to get more ready the night before, so you don't have to do stuff. As you said, you'd probably wake up anyway, because you sleep lightly and I don't think I could get ready quiet enough to not disturb you.

I perceive your anger about this as being about more than this, because if everything else was good, you might grumble about waking up before you'd prefer, but I don't think you would be quite so mean about it. I'm willing to give in many other areas, but I'm the one having to do the work, so I feel like I should have a little more weight in this decision. I just want to gitt 'er done, not work into the evening.

If you absolutely think this is a deal breaker for you, then I'll concede, but I would like to work my current schedule. Do you want me to ask to start an hour later? Would getting up at five be better?

I love you.

Used to have this prob with Misty (With me as teh waker and her as the wakee).

Then I started laying my clothes out night before making sutre everything is set...

I'd say Iron his shirt the night before (or start buying permenant press and throw it in the dryer for a couple minutes to get all the wrinkles out hang it up)

Gather his clothes in a spot that he can easily find them get a small lamp with a small wattage bulb so he can see and the light is not glaring enough to wake you.

Make his lunch the night before.

All he has to wake you for is a quick goodbye kiss and he's off and running.

OR to fix the light issue get a sleep mask, used to have one of theese when I worked midnights... never really seemed to get dark enough in my room... I can sleep in bright lights but it's a pain to fall a sleep that way unless I'm dead on my feet.....

I say since you have to deal with the kids when they get up that you should geta chance to get a little more rest in his day may start at 4 AM but he shouldn't make your day begin at teh same hour unless you need the car that day and have to take him into work.

I've got an email to my boss half written, asking if I can come in at 7 AM and maybe take only a 1/2 lunch so that I can still leave by at least 3:30 PM. That might be a compromise, but if String still needs to sleep later than 5 AM anyway, I'd rather just stay on the current shift and try some of the things you've suggested, Rasp. I'm sure this can be worked out--it's one of the lesser problems, but I acknowledge it may be huge for her right now.

Basil

thank you. I am sleepy right now but I couldn't fall asleep. I think i couldnow but I hear the children stirring. That sucks. I think I will try to make the "rest" while Isaac take his nap so that i might be able to sleep for a bit then. I'll blow up the air mattress for Elijah if I have to and put it jsomewhere else so he won't disturb Isaac and his crabby pants...I'm tired

I'm with Raspy....get stuff done the night before so String doesn't have to get up & make lunch or whatever.

Basil, on your way home tonight stop somewhere & get her a cute, feminine satin sleep mask...they even make them in aromatherapy....(I'm sure that's the kind Raspy had... :P )....maybe even earplugs....

When Andie wasn't in school, I would set the coffee timer to go off in the morning, if Ty wanted to take a lunch, it would be made & in the refrigerator. I put the pillow over my head when his alarm went off, then the next thing I knew he was giving me a kiss goodbye...

Even tho String isn't working outside the home, she's STILL working IN the home with the kids, she's still putting in a full day of work. And IMHO it's not fair to expect her to go to bed at 8 at night & get up early when her internal clock just doesn't work that way!!

Just my 2 cents.... :)

Okay it is after 8 now and I am very tired. I tried to go back to sleep anyway. Had to get up and tell the kids to be quiet. Then I had to get up again to tell them to be quiet agasin. at this point I was furious--you know how you get when they just won't shut up and you are waaaaayyy too tired...And all my daughter could say was "mu toothe hurts. I said well I can't pull it now.."But my tooth hurts!" That just sent me over the edge--I need someone to take these $@$& kids for two days so I can get a whole night's sleep!!! I HATE having to wake up every night because they piss all over their bedss and can't even feel it! I mean who pisses on themselves while they sleeop and doesn;t even wake up?1?!!?! I am trying to stay calm, but I laready made anneliese cry over the tooth damn it ia m tired let me sleep thing and now I am stressed, she has a lowsy mother and she is stressed and we are all atuck together in this too small $%^*)ing house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOw I think I'll just go change Isaac's diaper--Every $%&* day he cries and throws a fit in the morning when he first sees me and I have a hard time getting him to eat breakfast without a tantrum... I HATE HAVING KIDS!!!


Sorry to all of you with your rosey parenting glasses---My rosy
glasses are broke and I just see things as they are...

Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, your morning is going so badly. I sent a request to start work an hour later, but it may take a few months to get it changed. I'm trying. I went above my immediate supervisor, after she denied the request, to have a manager review it.

You said you might be able to sleep/rest when Isaac takes a nap around 10-11 AM, so hang on until then. Kids don't always lock-step do what you'd like, but they are just being kids, not being malicious to make you miserable. Try to keep that in mind.

Love you,
Basil

:hug: My glasses get broken sometimes, too.

If you can make it through today and tomorrow, maybe Basil can be in charge all weekend and give you a couple days off.

Even if you stay home, it's understood that HE'S the one to get up at night with the kids, he's the primary "on call" for them Saturday and Sunday....

Just a thought....

Gosh, I wish I lived closer, I'd be there in a heartbeat....

I know. I'll work things out so she can sleep in, starting tomorrow. It's hard for either of us to sleep while the other person is stirring, so I felt that as long as we both got to bed early enough we'd feel okay waking up at any time, as soon as our bodies adjusted to it. I was naturally a night person, but have adjusted okay, but I know it's really not working for her.

Basil

Okay--the kids are fed and it went more smoothly than yestereday. Isaac is such a turd in the morning... I hate the mornings around here .

I'm sorry for ranting--I'm so stretched out and I feel like a balloon about to pop adn tehr is nothing that I can do to releive the pressure....

I'm sorry. :(

Basil

Actually mine came with a pair of furry love cuffs.....


And about kids pissing themselves and not waking up...

Did that until I was 14ish.

I have sleep apnea and have since I was very little. That could cause bedwetting.

That does cause bedwetting.

Might want to get it looked into especially if the kids snore.

Wow--I'm hoping they will grow out of it soon. Doc said by 7 they should be over it. They don't snore so hopefully its nothing as serious as apnea...

What did you say came with furry love cufs???? OOOOOOHH>...The sleep mask--Dude that was a blindfold..Never thought of you as a kinky one--

I think this is a huge issue. I also am not a good sleeper, and when I am tired, it effects how I see my life in general. It is very hard to be positive and I get very edgy and irritable.

I tried to do more last night to make our morning a little easier--eventually I definitely don't mind if she stays in bed, if we could get things ready the night before--It's not like that morning hour together without the kids is quality time anyway.

Also, String went back to bed and was falling asleep before I even left the house today, so here's hoping she wakes up refreshed and feeling better.

We had a pretty good evening yesterday. We made popcorn and watched Fun with Dick and Jane, after the kids were in bed. Later I drifted off to sleep while she stayed up reading. When she came to bed we spent some time enjoying being close. I don't mean to suggest all of our strains are gone, but I feel things are more stable. Thank God.

Basil

That's good to hear Basil!

Maybe I should be posting this in the praise report section. I really think some dark clouds that have hovered over us are lifting a little, but we still have a long road ahead--I guess the road never ends until we depart this life. I feel like I can more freely express what I'm feeling, which is helpful.

Tonight, right after I get off work, we're going to Muskogee, where her parents live to celebrate my mother-in-laws birthday. :birthday: We're going out for Chinese and then back to their house for a movie. I'm looking forward to it. Now that my relationship to my in-laws has been at risk, I realized how much I would miss them if our marriage ended.

Basil

Another nugget my Gramma gave me. Nothing Worth anything is ever easy. The more you have to fight for it the more you cherish it.

Basil, why do you "make" String get up with you?!

My husband leaves for work at 5 a.m. The night before, when I'm cleaning up from dinner, I make his lunch and set up the coffee maker. He's a big boy so he gets his own clothes ready. I do wash, dry and put them away for him, so he knows where to find them every day.

In the morning the alarm goes off, he gets up, turns on the coffee maker, gets ready, kisses me goodbye, and leaves for work. I get up between 5:30 and 6 a.m. for my quiet time with the Lord and then get the kids up and ready for school.

I know String has talked about this whole routine before and I have to say, it's craziness. The way I see it, this is just a season in your lives. The kids are up during the night, for now. This won't be forever. Can't you give String a break over this, just for now?

Just my 2 cents...

If you read my last few posts, you'll know I'm already planning to let her sleep in, so you're a little late with that advice, but you're right, I should have done it long ago.

It was selfish, but my thought was that if we're on the same schedule we'll get to spend more time together, we won't have to worry about her keeping me awake doing things at night, or me waking her up while I'm getting around in the AM, so just for practical reasons it made sense, but if it's totally out of the question for String to get up with me, that's okay. I want to be more flexible.

I also grew up seeing this, not just in my family, but among many of my friends families, so I thought that was a "normal" thing.

Basil

There is no normal thing......

Even among a group of people with like mindsets.....

I learned that lesson hard when I got maried....

Misty's fam and mine TWO TOTAL opposite sides of the Spectrum.....

Neither one is wrong or bad just different... sometimes a headache but sometimes fun too.....

Well, I got most of my stuff together this morning without Strings help. I didn't wake her up, but she did get up after the alarm went off and threw a few things in my lunch bag. After she learned that I didn't need anything ironed or anything else done she climbed back into bed. She was up less than 10 minutes, but I'm not sure if she fell back asleep very easily--I tried to be quiet.

We'll see if she stumbles in here this morning with blood-shot eyes, raising a storm.

Basil

I am here.. I feel a thousand times better than every other day. Its amazing that solid sleep will make you feel better.. Only hd minor fight with Isaac this morning. He won't eat anything else for breakfast except an apple, so I diced him an apple. Such a wierd child....Can hardly wait till he is able to speak English and communicate his thoughts...
Were you able to get out of the house all in one peice??

Sure. I even had time for a brief morning prayer, taking out the last bag of trash (but it's Columbus Day, so will trash run today?), and take Anneliese to the potty, hoping she would stay dry for you. Did she?

It'll take awhile to get used to getting ready with the house silent and mostly dark, which is kinda lonely, but that's fine. I'm glad you feel better. As long as I can come give you a big good-bye kiss, I'm good. The extra sleep won't guarantee you feel better everyday, but I'm sure it'll help.

I love you so much,
Basil

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Today started out a little bad, because we didn't get much stuff ready last night, but I did most of the preparations for myself--unfortunately I ran out of time to eat breakfast or prepare lunch, so I'll be living off the fat of the land today, but no big deal (I've lost 12 pounds since this stuff occured, but I am still 5-10 pounds from my ideal weight). I did have coffee, which was a higher priority this morning. :coffee:

Mandy was only up about 20 minutes, but was still awake when I left at 5:30 AM. Yesterday was a very bad day for her, because she started having thoughts about all the mistakes she's made. I wish I could be more removed from the pain of her thoughts, so I could comfort her more, but I'm trying to listen and trying, with difficulty, to not try and fix her problems. I know what helps me work throught similar thoughts, but we are different, so I really should just back off giving much advice. It's hard, because I hate to see her hurting--and her feelings cause me pain too.

Basil

Sorry, I think I ran in here that day and didn't read everything. I know we've talked about it with String before you were part of the boards, so I knew it's been a problem.

It's awesome to see you guys working all this through.

I spoke to a friend yesterday who's given up on her marriage. Makes me so sad. And kind of mad. Keep it up you guys. God is blessing you.

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Wifey usually gets up with me....

I get up at 6:am and shower....(sometimes she'll join me to bump uglies)


USUALLY, she sleeps in until 6:30am then gets outta bed and makes us some breakfast...usually pretty rushed, but I appreciate nonetheless. The baby still sleeps with her to feed, so she gets up sometimes also. The two older kids I rarely see until I come home.

I never ask her to do this, she just does it cause she knows I'm the greatest.

I've even told her NOT to do it because sometimes I have to wait for her to do this or that....


Anyway...whatever.

Yeah, this guy sucks, but the image said it all...

.
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Clay...quit talking about my width....

Dude - key word there was "li-i-i-i-ittle"...

How're Basil and String doing? Yer still on our prayer list, how's life going?

We're doing fine...

That's good to hear... normally no news is bad news.

Thanks again for everyone's prayers. I would say things are much better. There is definitely more affection being expressed on both sides. Also homeschool and life in general seems just less stressful, now that our marital problems are getting better.

Basil

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So she must still be rubbing your feet and getting the TV remote for you when you're on the couch?


What about turning your socks right side out before washing?



Glad to hear it.

Yes.


No, the remote now belongs to her--as one of our new "compromises" (actually we lost our TV remote, so I'm the remote . . . so I guess I belong to her ? . . . )



No. I am still doing that in the dark in the early morning, while she is sleeping in.



:dunno:

Oh, but she is in the kitchen right now playing the happy housewife baking a brown sugar pound cake for my work potluck tomorrow. :D

Aw a beautiful woman, the fragrance of a baking cake :drool: . . . um it's getting late :eyebrows: . . . I've got to go . . . right now! :swoosh: