We've all heard the old Chinese proverb, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, then it was never yours." Parphrased.

I feel like, if I embrace that bit of wisdom, the results would be clear. If I let String go, she would leave. So, if her hearts not in this, how can I keep pushing for her to stay. Maybe, I should push to save our family for our kids, but according to her they are suffering to (which I think is a bit of projection on her part. They are actually happy, loved, and taken care of much better than most, I am certain.) Maybe I should fight for us, because marriage is a sacred union, but in her eyes it seems like, because she didn't enter it "in love" with a clear head, it isn't sacred, therefore important to preserve. Maybe I should fight to preserve it because I love her more than anything in this life, but that's just selfish, right? Besides, what happiness could I feel, knowing that my wife doesn't love me.

When is it time to give up? I'm emotionally exhaused. Can't eat, sleep, work very well. . . .pathetic, I know.

Basil

I have not said this. What I have said is that I don't want them growing up seeing our marriage and thinking that it is normal behavior for couples to exhibit--the wasy you saw your parents behave very similarly adn thoght that it was just the normal day to day struggles of marriage...when it was not..

You cannot see from my eyes and therefore cannot interpret how they perceive things. True, I did not enter into this marriage with love in my heart or even my head screwed on straight, but it is unfair to say that I don't think it is worth preserving. I am still here aren't I? I am trying to do the right thing am I not? Intellectually I know that the right thing to do is to stay here and work to save and improve what we have..Emotionally it is herder than that. I have pressurefrom you to "admit that what I have done is wrong" to let you know how I am going to feel when it is all said and done right now this moment today, when I am numb right now. I don't know where I will end up emotionally and mentally and I don't know how I will get there. I don;t know what is going to happen and I don't know when things will calm down......I just wanmt to go into a coma..

I'm sorry . . . today is a hard day for some reason. I don't want you to feel worse than you must already, but I hurt and am trying to come to terms with so many painful things you've said. It'll be okay.

Basil

It is never time to let go. When Satan is straining a relationship to the breaking point, it's time to hold on tighter than ever.

If Stud-Muffin from Italy returns in 2009, that means you have two years to prove to String you're the man for her. It doesn't mean you have two years to go cryin' in your beer 'cuz you think she may choose him. All that will do is push her to him. Heck, she may even buy a ticket to Italy and join him. You don't want that. We don't want that. I'm sure that if String seriously considers what would happen to both your family here and to the other guy's family (he's married, right?) if she pursues this course of action, then she doesn't want that, either.

There's a lot at stake here and nothing is beyond repair. You have to give it a chance to be repaired. That means you both have to lay low and stop gouging at each other. I can see from the exchanges here that it is not happening that way. Don't throw in the towel, though. That's exactly what Satan wants you to do.

It sucks to have to prove yourself to be loved, but I guess I've made her feel lousy over these past few years, so I deserve the trial-- I just would like to know if winning is an option. She's my wife, it just feels weird to compete for her affection, especially when she's already told me how she feels, but there are things working in my favor--marriage, three beautiful children, a 3 X longer history with her (but that could be bad too, but I have more than the total length of their relationship to make better memories with her), and most importantly a marriage with Christ at it's foundation.

Basil

In the early part of September, the Houston Astros were a joke in their own hometown. 9 games out of first place, it seemed highly improbable that they would be able to repeat as NL champs.

Then, at the end of Septembe, a light was glowing rather brightly. The 'Stros won 9 in a row and the first-place Cards lost a matching 9 in a row. The 'Stros were now only 1/2 game behind the Cardinals going into the last day of the season. 'Course, there was no Cinderella story this year. But the idea is, no matter how bleak it might appear, there's still a chance. Heck, at the beginning of the season, even the Twins have a chance...

When is it time to let go? Never.

You guys give up, Satan wins. The end.

Man, it is time for you two to just get down and dirty. Just stop this message board crap.

As far as I can tell, there are two questions:
1. Do you both want to stay married?
2. Are you both willing to do what's necessary to stay married?

If you BOTH answered yes to both questions then knock it off and get to work. Stop seeking advice outside of your marriage (except for biblical counseling). Seek God. Seek each other. All this information you gather outside of your marriage does nothing but color your collective views.

That said, I believe God CAN and WILL restore your marriage if you both sincerely seek Him and work according to His plan. From this end, all we see is String being angry and negative and Basil being sad.

OK, that's my 2 cents.

Lynn's a smartypants... listen to her! :thumbsup:

You both decided for better or for worse.
Sometiems for worse is more than you can handle and sometimes its just more than you think you can handle.

Love her that's all you can do.

If she feels it too she'll return the love.

When should you let go. Five minutes after you die. When can you let go whenever you choose.

Now some people think that I'm an advocate for you two breaking up. I'm not. Fight for your relationship with all that you can. But if you don't feel a thing than it was all a big mistake inthe first place.

You seem to fewel a lot of Love for String. I pray that everything works out for you two. I pray that you can find that spark that you had for but a moment and fan it into a flame that you both carry and can keep.