Mrs. Red has a little brother who turned 10 on Saturday. We went to his dad's for the party.

They've been having a lot of difficulty with him recently. At home, he's a really sweet kid. Almost "too" sweet. I can't step into the apartment without him wanting to give me a hug and a kiss. He's the same way with most other people.

However! This is the same kid who, at school and at camp, will throw some crazy temper tantrums and tell people to "f*** off" and "go f*** themselves".

I have not seen this personally. But I'm always hearing about incidents where phone calls will be made to MIL from schools, authorities, camps, etc. They say he's "uncontrollable". He's even gone through several social workers.

Now, I LOVE this kid. To me, he's the little brother that I never had. So I'm obviously concerned about him and care about his well-being.

Anyway, while at the party, MIL was talking about more of the issues that was happening. As she continued to describe his night/day personalities, I said, "Have you considered the possibility that he may suffer from a form of Bipolar Personality Disorder?"

She looked at me with a stunned look on her face. One of those, "How DARE you say such a thing" sort of looks. So I quickly tried to explain myself. I re-iterated to her everything that I'd been hearing about him and even giving my own assessments based on my personal observations of him. I've known him since he was 2-years old.

At one point while explaining, I said, "He displays the extremities of behaviour. He goes from being overly-affectionate to cursing people out."

MIL says, "Overly affectionate?? What are you trying to say? That my son is GAY??"

:doh: (No, she wasn't trying to be funny).

I tried to explain myself a bit more and then saw that my opinion wasn't being welcomed at all, so I just backed out of the conversation.

Guess who got a phone call from his MIL last night? :)

I could tell from the tone of her voice that she had a bone to pick with me. She had actually called to tell me (again) how bothered she was by the stuff that I was "saying about her son".

I tried and tried to assure her that I meant NO HARM and that I was only trying to make sure that all of the possibilities for his behaviour had been investigated and that nothing was being overlooked. The social workers continually say that his behaviour is due to there being a lack of a "father figure" in the household and all that other stuff, but I don't buy it.

My wife had already gone to bed for the night, so I couldn't run and cower behind her. So I spent the next 90 minutes on the phone with my MIL trying to be as silver-tongued as possible because I wasn't about to be tricked into an argument with her (it's what my wife's family does best).

I asked MIL repeatedly, "Are you upset at me because of what I said? Or because of the possibility that what I said might be true? Which is it?" She never really gave me a clear answer but I came away thinking that I had just given her something to think about that she hadn't considered before and was now afraid of what that could mean for her and her son's future.

But I've come to learn about my wife's family and I know how they operate. So this morning, I called DW and "warned" her that her mom had called me last night and I gave her some background so that she could understand the context of our conversation and what it had to do with. No doubt, if MIL called me on Monday to beef about something that happened on Saturday, she had already dragged my name through the mud throughout the rest of her family (DW excluded) between the period of the two days.


** sigh **

So!! DW calls her sister to ask her if she wants to tag along to a hair appointment next week. SIL starts spitting fire at DW saying, "Who does Redguard think he is? Why is he telling mom that Damon is gay and that he needs to be medicated?"

And that was just the beginning of a rant from SIL to DW, carrying on about what kind of person I am and how dare I say this and that. All of it was pure exaggeration. Nothing that I actually said, just a bunch of their own interpretations clearly edited to sound worse than it was.

DW called me not too long ago and she was fuming. She's completely on my side and says that her family is just being ignorant. DW is having issues with her mom right now anyway because DW was molested by her cousin when she was younger and still tries to avoid her. MIL is friendly with said cousin and tells DW that she needs to "get over it".

Both the cousin and the cousins mother (MIL's neice and sister, respectively) have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. And during my talk with MIL, she was at least able to attest to the fact that mental illness does run through her family.

So I'm mad at MIL for taking everything that I said out of context. I'm mad at MIL for not being straight up with me on the phone even though I asked her clearly if she was mad at me. I'm mad at MIL for talking about me in a negative way to SIL and God knows who else. I'm mad at SIL for exploding at DW with stuff that MIL gossipped to her about.

Most of all, I'm mad at myself for ignoring the red flags and marrying into this stupid family.

Whewww. That was an awesome rant. I read every word.

You need to get together with Mr. McG. You two have A LOT in common. (People often comment about how "normal" I am in comparison to my family.)

Let us know how this turns out for your little bitty BIL. Poor little guy. Imagine how scary this is for him?

Wow. Praying. Usually that happens in my family, not my in-laws. They're straightforward and expect you to be as well. So, if you say something, they don't read between the lines.

:pray:

It seems that after Mrs. Red spoke to her sister, she called her mother and asked her why she told her sister that I said all these things that I didn't say.

MIL denied saying anything. Or at least she said that if she "did" say anything then she didn't say it in a way that would make me appear as saying things that I didn't.

When I got home, MIL called. I ignored the phone (caller ID) and let DW pick it up. She said that MIL wanted to talk to me and I said that I wasn't coming to the phone.

So then MIL gets mad at the fact that I'm trying to avoid her.

MIL called back again in an hour and this time we spoke.

I told her how I felt about the way that I was being misinterpreted and then having SIL call DW and tell her all sorts of bad things, accusing me of saying things that I didn't.

MIL still tried to play the denial game, but I proved to her why there was no denying it. SIL made reference to statements that I supposedly made, and SIL wasn't even present for the original conversation. So MIL was clearly trying to lie her way out of this.


This is all wierd because everyone knows me as the quiet and docile one (I guess I appear that way in comparison to all the over-aggresive people in DW's side of the family). So this was the first time that I ever spoke to MIL with anger in my voice. I'm sure she was taken aback by it. So was I.

I have trouble dealing with angry emotions... especially when I end up verbalizing them. I was really messed up about it afterwards. :(

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Story of my life Rantguard....story of my life.

Have you thought of the possibility that your brother-in-law is gay and maybe the other kids are teasing him which causes him to fire back with distasteful language?

Around his friends, he's a regular boy. Playstation, basketball, etc.

It's when he's around family that I find him to be really sensitive. So I don't think that kids tease him about being gay.

But from what I've heard, it's a case of him getting mad over losing a game, or being told to do something that he doesn't want to do, and then blowing up in fits of anger.

How competitive is the family?

My DW's family is VERY OVERLY Compettitive, I have fun playinghtegame, they are cutthroat. It get's to teh point where I don't even want to game with my regular gaming group because my SIL is part of it (that's how I got introduced to my DW) and she freaks about the tinest things that happen to her character...

Anyway, if he's from a very competitive family he just may be a really bad sport.

My son is that way... I'm that way at video games where it's me against the computer.

Could be bi polar, could be depression, could be just a screwed up family....

Only thing you can do is love him and try to mentor him and point out to him when he's losing control, and help him get back on track, everything else is in God's hands and his mom's.

I gained this philosphy in life.... I can apply this to any one at any time including my own family.

Screw them.

If they don't like what you have to say or chose to take it out of context or refuse to accept it inthe vein it was extended screw them. You don't need them.

This has saved me a lot of sleepless nights.

You have to live with your choices, you have to wake up tomorrow and either be happy with the path you are walking or lament the choices you have made. I choose to rejoice in my path, I do have a couple regrets but I realize without those Mistakes I'd be a different man, and prolly would not be here with my lovely, and loving wife whom I totally love....

Walk your path proudly man, people like your MIL and SIL are not worth your time, and are only trying to trip you up because they cannot accept the fact that you're enjoying your path where they have regrets.

:amen: Raspy....

Another thing that I just thought about last night when I was praying.....

Maybe he is the sensitive soul, but he knows that around his "friends" he can't be that way, so around his family he becaomes more so because he can be himself and he over compensates for the times he cannot, and around his friends it bottles up and too much pressure causes the bottle to burst, and it bubbles forth as anger because he can't be himself.


I had this issue put it behind me becasue I got past it. My anger bubbled forth EVERYWHERE though not jsut away from family Ihad some major emotional issues....