Last night (for the second time) my wife shot me with the :quote: I don't care about sex... If I didn't have sex for the rest of my life, it wouldn't bother me :quote: arrow. By extension, this also means that she has no desire or intention to accomodate my sexual needs in any other way, whether by physical touch or anything else.

This hurts me because it makes me feel like she's rejecting and obliterating something that is clearly important to me.

Or at least it was...

The effect that this comment, along with her attitude towards me, has had is that it makes me resent and avoid any kind of sexual or intimate interactions between us. They just make me feel uncomfortable.

Now, I can't honestly say that I don't care about sex... but I can say that I don't care about sex "with her". No, this isn't to say that I'm lusting after another woman. But once I start to factor her in along with my sexual thoughts, I find that they just fizzle away.

On the other hand, we can get along fine when we're in the kitchen cooking, or when we're in the living room watching tv, or when we're out for dinner or anything else.

So I'm wondering, can a marriage really survive without sex? The idea makes me feel really upset because I find myself wishing that I could've married someone else who wasn't so mean spirited. But I've honestly lost my sexual desire towards her.

Yes. A marriage can survive without sex, but it has to be mutual agreement and for healthy reasons, like say to devote all your time working for God. Ther have been couples that have joined separate monasteries...But in your case I don't see either of you going the monastic way very soon. Have you discussed this with her? Quietly? Its hard to bring up these things--I know. This topic causes more anger and resentment when it is discussed. My husband just doesn't like to talk about these things and he won't listen-actually hear-my perspective and point of view. I know that what your wife is feeling is 100% real. The longer a woman goes without, the less she wants it..Why, I don't know, but that is how itworks. If you can get into marriage counseling do so. Here I am, the pot calling the kettle black. :wall: Of course I want to go and my husband doesn't and I can't get him to go and I don't navethe nerve to even talk to our priest on my own.

I don't know what else to say :( I am sorry..

Red, I have been where your wife is, and I'm not there anymore. So there is hope, but it took a big attitude adjustment on my part.

.
.
Not unless you chop off your balls.





Sorry bro, I can relate.


Resentment will set in (is setting in) and then your relationship will suffer and you will fight...and things will get worse and worse. Unfortunately, if you try to explain this male "I need sex" thing to females, they'll think you are a sex-crazed fiend and that the "relationship" is only built on sex...you don't "really love them", etc, etc. (weaker vessel stuff)


Then they'll test out your abstinence longevity for a few weeks...


How old is she? Wifey's fire really started cooking around 27...

I hate romance, but sometimes that "extra effort" will pay-off in the long run...cheap advice.

Squat--this is crap. Its not a matter of "testing out his abstinance longevity." When your relationship really is in a bad place sex is the farthest thing on a woman's mind. In my case my husband is the one who seems to not want to. I think the longest we've gone--not counting three entire pregnancies, is seven months in the non-pregnant state. And many times in between at two to three month intervals interupted by a freakin useless worthless quickie, that got him his goods and left me even more angry. So Squat--please forget your theory of "testing abstinance longevity" It really pisses me off and makes women appear quite superficial and vindictive..


Hugs! :hug:

She's 26, but we're going on to our 2nd-3rd year with this stuff.

.
.
Sorry for overgeneralizing String....


Holy Cow....MONTHS ? ?


I freak out after about a week...

Just had our 6th anniversary last month. Been going on for 6 years here...

.
.
Don't you think there are a few of these out there....sex can be used as a weapon, by both sides.

Sounds like someone needs to find an alternative focus. Why don't you go read some books and scriptures on self control? ;)

What bugs me is that I don't know what I did to deserve this. :( I'm not one of those terrorist husbands that so many women post about on the internet.

All I read in these forums on the internet is how much women want their husbands to do this around the house, and do that with the kids, and show this kind of romance and that kind of romance.

I've made those efforts to the point where my wife barely lifts a finger at home.

.
.
I'm too busy humping the furniture.


(see what I mean Red?)

I don't think it is something she is doing maliciously. So its not like she's intentionally "punishing" you because you "deserve it". There is something going on in her psyche that needs to be resolved or addressed.

.
.
I can agree with this also, but I think it could be physical....doesn't women's sex-drives increase as they get older?

I've heard that's myth. I'll google it! :thumbsup:

Good article about women and thier sex drive at different times of life:

Article

While some of the stuff in that article may be true, I still feel like there's a tidbit of maliciousness in my wife's approach towards me.

Another complaint of hers was that she doesn't feel as though I find her irresistable. And that I don't feel passionate about the idea of being with her.

I translate her comment like this. She's been withholding herself, waiting to see at what point I'll kick down the door, grab her by the hair, and drag her into the bedroom to have my way with her, despite me knowing that she has no real desire for me.

While this may be the reaction of some men, I just don't feel like that's what I'm supposed to do. Chasing a woman who has no desire for you sounds borderline abusive to me. Plus, I just don't play into mind games.

But as for her comment, I don't see how she expects me to become more passionate towards her.

:thumbsup: did for me! thank you jesus!!!! :thumbsup:

see folks......this is exactly why we play with toys at our house. brings more excitment into the bedroom!! :thanks:
i'm kidding!!!.....well, not really..... :whistle: :thumbsup:

Oh, Red. I really feel sorry for both you and your wife. From everything you've ever posted about her, it sounds like she hates the very body she lives in and projects this onto everyone else. Since she doesn't like her body, she imagines that everyone else doesn't like it either. Then as a twist, she blames everyone else for how she feels about herself.

I know you've heard it a million times, but I think she could use some serious intervention. If she won't go to a counselor, maybe there's a wise woman or pastor out there that could just 'befriend' her?

Anyway, I feel your pain. Really. But I have every faith in God that He'll see you both through it. Some journey's are just long, hard ones.

Not - this ain't crap. It's the truth - maybe not for YOU - but for MEN it is. You ladies DO test - and you know it. Maybe you don't String - but most other women DO.

:bored: man....you busted me!!! i admit it, i test andy all the time...
in many different ways too...not just w/ sex. women ARE evil..... :thanks: :rolf: (or is it just ME?! :dunno: )

Im not a woman but I do have a view on this being a married man for some time. I married a nympho so We usually dont have this problem but we have had it off and on. A man could have sex between fixing a flat and fueling up at the local mini-mart. Face it fellas we are horny all the time.Theres stats that prove we cant go five minutes without thinkin about it. For women however its not like that. Not that they dont have this wonderful desire but for them its more of a celebration. Like when everything is right in theyre world they are full of love and compassion and they feel sexy and good. Maybe it isnt you man. Maybe she is having other issues that is hendering her from the inside. A great way to show her that you deeply love and desire her is to leave her alone about sex and nuture her in other ways. You will be surprised at the results you will see given enough time. I know it can test your patience but think about it like this: How long did christ wait for you to share your love with him? He waited and waited and still he loved you through. I guess what im saying is love her through and reep the blessings that you sow my brother!!!!!! God bless you

Yes...YOU are evil. :wave:

**CHITTY GRABS GUTTER'S HEAD AND HOLDS IT UNDER RUNNING WATER IN THE SINK AND MAKES HIM SAY "CHITTY IS THE COOLEST" TEN TIMES** :cheeky: :smack: :whip:

.
.
lol at that vision.

TRUST ME WHEN I SAY HE WILL GET WET REAL SOON. :thumbsup: HE IS BEGGING FOR A BEATING THESE DAYS! :whip: IF I CAN'T DO IT, I HAVE CONNECTIONS W/ HIS WIFEY :smack: LOL

Hey! I'm sig-worthy! It's my first one! :thanks:

I know whatchya mean bout havin no desire to be wit a gal who protrays no interest in you. That's always been my callin card for gals I was interested in, gave two shots an if they didn't respond I jes went on my way. I see no need to pursue a gal that has no interest in me.

That bein said though, that's talkin bout datin gals an the like, seeins how this is majorly different cause it's your wife we're talkin bout, it's not as easy as jes movin on.

No I don't think a marriage can survive witout sex to the exclusion of the scripture that says to wit hold from each other in mutal agreement an only in service to God an even at that don't let it be long so temptation doesn't strike.

While I'm not exactly in support of jes kickin the door down an havin your way wit er, have you tried to do that? Maybe she is wantin some sort of spontineity? She's surely playin mind games it would seem an I agree I don't have any inclination to play em either, but maybe it's worth the shot of jes 'takin' er an seein what the out come is?

Sometimes a "shock" treatment is in order, maybe it's high time ya gave er one. Honestly, from what you've been sayin of late, have you anythin else to lose to give it a shot?

Once when Sarah was gittin a bit uninterested if you will, the pill etc was botherin er. I read up on some stuff an gave it a shot, mainly jes keepin er in tease state an not really foolin wit er proper like an it seemed to do alot of good for us. Maybe it's time to jes sorta mix thins up a bit, as much as possible, I don't pretend to understand everthin seeins how I'm not there an she's not my wife etc but all I keep thinkin of is jes kickin in the door an havin your way wit er an see what the out come is, never know you might turn er into a nymph er she may beat your brains out.

I've seen gals play nasty mind games on guys, seen em push em right to the limits, seen em test em as it were an I can say this, it's such a huge waste of time it jes ain't funny. I think I'd jes do what you said, kick the door in, grab er by the scruff of er neck not sayin a word an jes takin er.

A2J.....

YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD COMMENTS.....

TOO BAD I CAN'T EVER READ THEM CUZ I FEEL LIKE IT'S A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE!!!! :blink: LOL

JUST TEASIN' YA BUDDY. :D

Red, before you go bustin' down some doors or start acting like Tarzan and freaking your neighbours out.....(Even I have to laugh at that image...:D )

There is some scripture about this.

When a man and woman marry, they have the right to expect sexual fulfillment from each other:
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Cor. 7:3-4). (I suppose this is where the bustin' down doors and taking what's rightfully and biblically yours comes in! :D )

If one partner decides to abstain for a time, they must mutually agree and keep the time brief:

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:5) Actually, as I'm reading 1 Corinthians chapter 7, I think you and wifey should sit down and read it together. It's basically about the principles of marriage. :thumbsup:

Oh and what is all this crud about "testing" and "evil"? :blink: Geez, you guys have mean wives! I've never tested hubby in that way....I'd be the one to go insane and frustrated! When ya gotta have it, ya GOTTA have it! :eyebrows:

I think that I've heard that once menopause kicks in and there is no more risk of pregnancy, that women actually begin to enjoy sex more.

MY BODY MUST THINK THAT IT'S GONE THROUGH IT ALREADY THEN! :doh: I ALREADY HAVE FOUR KIDS......TRYING TO AVOID A FIFTH AT THIS POINT IN TIME!LOL

OK, I just got here and I didn't read every post. But I get the gist of this.


Red, I am so sorry. I hate to hear this stuff. I feel like I can't offer you any advice. The only time we had this problem was when I was suffering from post partum depression. And I just felt awful and uncomfortable about it for a couple of months. My poor DH. He was just a mess. He thought it was him. He couldn't understand how it could be any other reason.

Why did your wife marry you? Isn't there something that you can build on? Love is a choice. And for some people, it's a choice that has to be made every single day. Marriage doesn't sustain itself. Sometimes it needs a good shove to get it going again.

Have you ever sat down with her and asked her what she wants from you? Or what she would like to change in your relationship? Just a really honest, non confrontational conversation. Here honey - this is what I want for us. What do you want? What can I do for you?

I asked her this two nights ago.

She says, "I want you to feel more passionate about me"

I told her that it's a fool's errand because she'll identify all of my efforts towards being more passionate about her as being "manufactured" and not real.

But I'll try anyway.

I spoke to my therapist about it. She says that this is as good as it will ever get because my wife associates sex with terrible feelings and experiences (stuff from her past) and she's the type to never let go of those feelings.

I think we can work something out, but it'll take some time.

I'm just having trouble coping with the fact that she isn't sexually attracted to me. It makes it really hard for me to approach her and try to romance her when I might as well be doing it to a mannequin. :boo:

I hate that kind of response from a trained professional.

The thing is Redguard, is that just because that's how it SOMETIMES happens out in the world, it doesn't mean that's what HAS to happen in your marriage. Our God is a big God and He doesn't work that way.

Tell her you want to feel more passionate too. Tell her you're not going to give up. Tell her you want all of her. You can be her knight in shining armor no matter what's happened in the past.

Have you looked at your concordance to find verses to pray about for this situation? Pray without ceasing brother. Without ceasing. Thank God in advance for restoring your marriage. Jesus tells us, we have not because we ask not. Then I heard something the other day, from our pastor - Wondering is wavering. Wondering or doubting about a situation is being double minded. The bible tells us not to be double minded. But to trust in God with all your heart and all your soul.

I agree. If Jesus can save our souls, fixing this is small beans to him. God answers faithful prayers.