What do you do when you see a need for counseling in your marriage but your spouse refuses any aid, and you cannot afford the fees?

First...go by yourself!

Second...would your pastor or somebody in your church be able to counsel you? Or I bet your pastor could point you in the direction of some kind of community service that could help. I know around here they've got counseling that's based on what you can afford..... :dunno:

I am almost tempted to go alone, but my husband doesn't feel that our priest is "traditional" enough. He thinks that he is too influenced by liberal and humanistic views on psychology... :nono:

Well....IMHO if you are tempted (or maybe God is telling you) to go alone, then how do YOU feel about going to your priest? If you're by yourself, then your opinion is the only one that counts, right? :)

Wait a minute...Prisests (if we're talking about Roman Catholic) are trained in counseling as part of their seminary. One of the responsibilities of tending the flock is to bind the wounds of the wounded sheep, and show them how Christ can heal.

Liberal and humanistic??? That sounds more like an excuse than a viable reason. Now yes, psychology is one of the courses taken at seminary, but it's necessary to understand where parishioners are coming from, and to be able to help them in their walk. BUT, it's done in a Christian point of view always. Heck, I've been called "liberal and humanistic" on occasion, even when talking from a Christly perspective! But that was, ironically enough, normally done by a man who expected complete submission from his wife, but who conversely didn't think that following Christ was a good idea. That attitude normally leads to exactly what you're experiencing...A total disregard for the wife's feelings, an unrealistic list of submission expectations of a wife, and totally ignoring the male part of the Christian marriage equation.

So I guess my first question would be, why is your husband offering excuses when he knows that there are problems which are causing the arguments? Is he convinced he is always right and doesn't have a problem on his own? Is he the type who royally messes something up, then tells you, "It's all YOUR fault!"?? Or is he afraid of some third-party person pointing the finger at him and telling him he's the problem?

Sometimes it's just as simple as that.

Stringaling, go to your priest alone and make an appointment to discuss the problem. Here's what is going to happen...If your priest can help you alone, he will. If he cannot, he will refer you to a listing of counselors/other help which can be had for free, or next to free. Even in small towns, I've seen people referred to other pastors whom the priest knew had better training!

The way pastors look at it (or should look at it!), we're all tending the same vineyard and tapping the same True Vine. We're just doing it on different rows. (A quote that I got from a RC nun who was ministering in the same handicapped apartment complex I was ministering within).

If there's not another person available, ask at least for a telephone-accessible counseling service. Yep, those exist! Some may be secular, but the premise is the same...To offer help, advice and reflection for those who are hurting.

Oh, one last piece of advice...In your position, I'd be turning that dog into a furry slipper, then shoving that slipper somewhere on your husband's anatomy. But then again, I don't respond well to emotional blackmail, which is what your husband is engaging in insofar as the dog is concerned. :(

Its not that bad. The thing is that he feels that our preist(Easteern Orthodox by the way) is not traditional enough in his values. That he is more modernist in his way of thinking. Hub says we should read books and pray more and things will work themselves out.

And the dog--i don't want her but I can't be cruel to her. I'm the only one taking care of her and I am here 24/7 so the dog is in my face all day long. She is accustomed to indoor temps and to throw out in the yard would kill her of heat stroke because she is not adjusted...I am unhappy with the situation, but in this area I am powerless. I don't know what to do..

I think that I will email the presit this week and talk to him a bit..