Today I was trying to find some pictures we took, that I wanted to post in the photo thread about landscapes. I couldn't remember the address to the site, and my husband's email address is listed on it, so I googled his email address. Turns out he started frequenting forums a couple weeks ago.
Okay, I don't care if he posts on forums, but I don't know how I feel about this one. It's for discussing sexual matters, purely for informational purposes. While I think open discussion is good, and he makes it very clear in his posts that he is married, I feel that he should have asked before posting details.
And I do mean DETAILS.
I am hesitating among three courses of action:
1. Confront him about it, calmly and maturely.
2. Watch and wait. This one feels dishonest, but I am curious what else he might say.
3. In one post, he said he doesn't know how to bring up a certain topic with his wife. I want to post and say "Why don't you try posting it on the internet, :urgh: ?"

Whatever I do, I can't be evil right now because he's depressed tonight and he has to stay in the barracks.
I had to register at that forum in order to search his posts, so I'm sitting there right now logged in with the name of one of my favorite literary characters (which he knows and which is quite unusual), and he is logged in too.
This spying stuff is interesting, hah. Actually I'm just too cowardly to confront him about it.
It's almost---ALMOST---funny.

What is your screen name over there? I'm personally glad dh and I have our own seperate forums. We are/have totally diff tastes when it comes to MB'S! I'm a chatterbox, and the only places he posts are on sports boards, but he mainly reads. To me, it's like having girls night out w/out the hubby. IRL we love our spouses, but we still like to have our own niche....that's how it is w/ my MB'S! I DON'T SAY ANYTHING DISRESPECTFU, AND IF HE (sorry caps) ever read any of my sex topics he would prbly laugh as he is more free when it comes to sex talk lol.

BUT I can see how it feels weird to read the words your dh posted....like hey, why don't you ask me,or why'd you havta say that! I think most couples that post together just don't want to be painted negatively by the other. Simple respect should be key! Then again, like you said, he is down and depressed and we all tend to talk more when we are vulnerable! If you mention it,make sure you don't make him feel bad (bc he may find somewhere else to post) just let him know how those comments made you feel!

The screen name is Ayla---the main character in the Children of Earth books, and also the name of a good friend of ours.
Speaking of having different forums, I had seriously bad timing with this topic, because my husband just joined the forum :doh: I hope he forgives me for these posts! But I am glad, because I've been trying to get him interested in posting for awhile...
Hi, hon :wave:

I wouldn't confront him about it, but I would provide an atmosphere that allows him to talk to you about anything.

Yesterday was my husband's 40th birthday. The gift I gave him, amnesty & (can't think of the other word right now) to tell me anything up until midnight. Whatever he told me, I would not exact vengeance, get mad, get upset, nothing. I would be be loving and kind, forgiving if necessary.

He was THRILLED about it. Turns out when we were having a really rough period in our marriage earlier in the year, he bought a motorcycle. I was pretty deadset about this, but about a week or two ago, God softened my heart and I told him for his 40th birthday I would get him a motorcycle.

I didn't know a few months before he had bought one. Guess it had been eating at him for being deceitful in this and that giving him the opportunity to come clean about anything was the perfect gift. For him, and I didn't know it, was exactly what he needed. I had been praying on/off all year what to get him. NOTHING came to mind, until yesterday morning while making breakfast.

It really lifted such a burden off of him. He tested the waters throughout the day and even recorded by video him telling me. In the end, he was so turned on that he could be so truthful to me, which ended in incredible lovemaking yesterday after midnight.

Ask God to give you wisdom and patience about what you need to do. Even though WE may think we provide an open atmosphere for our husbands, we may not be in some areas. I hope that with this act of love and kindness towards my husband on this one day that he will trust me with more stuff and it draws us closer. BTW, I am often a very quickly reactive person. However, I am filled with lots of mercy, compassion, and forgiveness and am not a bitter, grudge holder. He is not a person that quickly reacts, but he is often a grudge holder. So, we are about opposites here.

I told him I'm excited to see his motorcycle and that he didn't have to go through all he went through to keep it a secret from me. God has been working in my heart.

That is a wonderful story, Doris!

I took the second most cowardly way out and posted on that forum. I am just feeling betrayed that he would post so many details without asking. Soon after we were married he told a lot of his friends these kinds of details, and he said he wouldn't do stuff like that anymore.
I think he decided not to frequent this forum, so I'm just going to say what's on my mind. I respect the advice and opinions of the people here, and right now I really don't know how to feel.
Maybe I'm overreacting.

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Shawww.....I bet you are.... ;) ;) ;)

I can understand why you're upset... especially with him sharing so many details about what you guys do in the bedroom.

My wife doesn't know about the forums that I post on... and I feel horrible about it. I kinda wish she was into forums, but she's not. And she's very particular about the way that I spend my leisurely time... and I think communicating with people over the internet is one of the thigns she wouldn't feel to great about.

In a lot of ways, I wish she was a forum person. I WISH that she was secretly posting on a message board and that I could come across it the way that Mandy has with her husband. I'd like to see what her hidden thoughts are about me and our marriage. I'd like to see her talk about the things that she wished I'd do in our marriage. Most interestingly, I'd want to see if she's like a lot of other wives on message boards who say that they're husbands don't have enough sex with them.

From time to time, we have trouble sharing our feelings with each other and I'd love to be able to communicate with her as someone else and have her open up about stuff with me... without knowing it's me. I'd give her a lot of good advise on how to treat her husband too.

We'd established the ground rules about discussing things long before forums ever came into the picture. Hence Squat's lack o' respect in the "craziest place" thread...

But seriously, I don't want to be a eunuch. That's why I don't discuss those things.

Redguard, I know what you mean about wanting to know their thoughts. If it was thoughts and opinions that I didn't know, rather than simply a rehashing of details--you know?
But his actions are so confusing to me sometimes, I just wish I knew if they made sense to him.
I'm sorry about how your wife acts---that doesn't sound right at all.