:cry:

Encourage me people because I'm feeling really down in the dumps right now.

I was rejected with the 'I'm too tired' line for the like the 4th day in a row and last night it really stung. For whatever reason, I don't inspire enough desire in my husband during the day to overcome his need to sleep at night for even 30 minutes. This kills me.

It kills me that he doesn't physcially want me constantly the way I want him.
It kills me that it doesn't seem to occur to him that rejecting me could hurt my feelings.
It kills me that I am apparently failing to tickle whatever his love language is.
It kills me that I'm saying, 'I adore you. You mean the world to me. Let me lavish you with all the affection you deserve' and he's rolling over with, 'Sorry, too tired to accept your offer of love right now.'

:cry: :cry: :cry:

I kills me that I feel this way.

Otherwise, he's the best husband in the world and we have a great marriage. Why isn't he getting that I'm not a selfish nympho, but that I want him all the time because I love him?

Just encourage me. In a few hours, I'm sure I'll feel better, but right now I feel terrible.

I couldn't see all of your post cause the sun is on the screen right now but I think I got the jest of it all.

Hmmm encoragement? Not sure I have much really, I know in my life I go through dry spells like everone does I'm sure an theres times I jes don't feel like it. But four days an no results? I'd start wonderin if sumthin was botherin em. Stress, worried bout sumthin? Jes bein over worked a bit?

I disagree wit folks that say X amount of times over a period isn't normal cause what IS normal? Each person is different an you'd be the one to know if sumthin wasn't normal wit em, I know the feelin of wantin sumthin you cain't have so I can sympathise wit you in this. Maybe you could jes relax a bit an git em to make the first move type thin? Easier said then done no doubt but maybe he's got the feelins that he needs tp be the pursuer a bit? Maybe its sumthin thats not on his mind much cause its "in his face"?

Hang in there though, I don't think it would be long before ya'll are humpin like rabbits :) Maybe if you could relax a bit er jes leave em be as if you've resolved yoursef to jes wait on em er the like he'll git curious as to why you aren't chasin em? I donno really.

Well, we're about to move and both of us are stressed out. For me, that the reason why I'm looking for a little 'glue' more than ever.

I'm used to dry spells, though I understand them better when they're mutual, and to some extent, I'm used to my husband turning me down. Just something about last night - I really needed it on all levels and I guess I expected him to read my mind or something.

And then, eesh, the 'I'm tired' came out as a whine. I actually told him, 'If you're going to reject me, don't add to the insult by whining.' He proceeded to make fun of me by whining even more. He obviously didn't think I was serious.

ah honey, I hear ya about wanting MORE intimacy due to the stress you guys are going through right now....

Maybe tonight take a nice :bath: or shower, use lots of pretty-smelling soap & shampoo, put on a cute nightie, & then just do the cuddle/snuggle thing with NO expectations from either of you that it'll progress any further.

You would get the closeness you're needing (altho not quite in the same manner) and he might not feel as pressured (not saying YOU are pressuring, but some guys might feel that way) to perform. Then who knows where it might lead?? :eyebrows:

Good luck....:hug:

I really don't have anything I could advise. We only average a couple of times a month so mine isn't a voice to listen to...

His mockery was cruel and I'm sorry he did that to you. I know how it hurts...

Um, not sure what to add for encouragement...unless this helps... :whip:

It completely floors me to hear of instances where a husband is turning down his perfectly willing wife.

I just don't get it. Not one bit.

I really don't know what to say because I find situations like this to be so weird.

Sometimes, I just can't buy the stress argument. What better way to releive stress than to have your wife show you affection?

Turning down a spouse is not something to be taken lightly. I've been through enough of it to know that I have deep bitter feelings of resentment. At some level, I at least have something to blame it on. But in most other cases where the spouse is just being mean, it's not right.

Your husband should take a look at CF to see how many husbands suffer from having wives that turn THEM down all the time. And then realize what a gem he has (that he's not appreciating).

I havta disagree wit you a bit, jes my experience mind you. There have been times that sex was jes what I needed durin stress an yet there have been other times where I jes don't wanna be touched at all. Kinda feel like that right now, I jes don't wanna bbe fooled wit.

I agree wit you though in the resentment department, I generally understand an accept rejections but there are a couple of times that happened years ago that I've never let go of I guess, I say I hadn't let em go jes cause I remember em so clearly.

I think this is exactly what the bible is talkin bout when it says not to foresake each other accept under agreement an then only for a short time at that. An now that he knows Grace is pissed wit em bout this its liable to be a lil while longer to, cause no one wants sympathy sex which might be what she'd git after his whinin silliness.

There have been times Sarah an I have been togeather where she wasn't really interested an that for me was far worse then the rejection, I'd been better off wit a hand.

I've been trying to look at it from the flip side. If he came online and told a story where I was turning him down all the time, people would advise him to figure out my love language and romance me all day. Y'know, the sex starts at breakfast idea.

To me, it should be obvious to my husband that I love him. I glom onto him the second he walks into the door and constantly tell him that I love him. And then I remember all those women that complain that their husbands only want sex and I think, does he take my affection as pressure for sex rather than love? How can it not be obvious that I love him? Do I make him feel like sex object? Is he getting 'touched out' the way moms do?

So, I feel stumped the way most refused husbands are stumped. If I love him the way I naturally do, he feels pressured or is disinterested. If I love him the way he would want to be loved (words of affirmation), then I feel like I'm just doing it for the sex. It feels a manipulative. What's a girl to do?

:doh:

Grace -
Stress can really reduce a guy's sex drive. Guys also suffer from hormonal issues, though it's not widely publicized. Other than "can't get it up" pills like viagra, how many times do you hear about low testosterone? My best friend from high school suffers from this. He has to wear a patch just to get through the day.

But back to stress. I know y'all have endured a lot in the last few months. I bet he loves you but right now he doesn't feel the ability to show it. Let's face it - he just graduated from college, just got a job, just completed an inter-state move... He's up past his eyeballs in stressors. Along comes Grace. In his mind, she's offering something to cheer him up. He doesn't want to burden you with having to cheer him up, especially in this complete devotional manner.

Have you considered telling him directly why you want to make love - that you feel rejected, that you want some physical as well as emotional stuff going on?

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sorry graceface....

:(