What do you do when your spouse proves over and over again that he(or she) is not and cannot be a comfort to you? I dont fee like I can talk to my husband about anything without him turning it around on me and pointing out my faults or blaming me for the way i am feeling. I cannot turn to him when I am low or anything. Considering that I have no friends in this town, and no way to just get out of the house every once in a while, that leaves me feeling prety lonely. I am quite frustrated at my Dh right now and there is nothing I can do about it. No one I can talk to, no outlet at all. All my anger, irritation, frustration, resentment, everyting that I have to deal and feel can only build up becasue I have no outlet and no one to turn to. I always thought that a husband was supposed to be that for me, but I am gravely mistaken. The one I have is more of a source of all those negative emotions than a comfort. He refuses any kind of counseling at all and only says "fast and pray, fast and pray" Yes those things are great and can be very beneficial, but with no guidance in the areas we need to improve, I do not see how things can get better. I know that most of you here seem to have rainbows and daisies when it comes to your marriages, but is there anyone who actually feels as alone and frustrated as I do? What can I do?

awwww..... :hug: ....trust me, my marriage isn't all "rainbows & daisies"!! :rollseyes:

We go in cycles, hills & valleys. But thankfully the good times outweigh the bad times. I guess we've just gotten used to each other's "moods" and how to handle things. I know sometimes my DH doesn't want to discuss things, or listen to my problems, but that's usually because he's having problems/stressed about stuff going on at his work. I bide my time, & I know in a few days he's open to talking.

I'm sorry you're going through this now. If your DH won't go to counseling, maybe it would help if you found somebody in your church just for YOU to talk to?

And you know you can always come here online to talk, or even PM one of us, anytime.... :nod:

Heck, I put my wife through this until I found Jesus. It took me a couple of years to see what I was doing. And, now that I'm the stay-at-home-Dad, I feel it happening to me on occasion.

Prayer, String, that's about all I can recommend. It's terrible that a spouse feels they have to do this. Rather than love his wife as Christ loved the Church, this type of spouse loves himself more than anyone else.

I agree with Mama - talk to someone in your church. We'll get a prayer chain going here. Numbers do wonders!

THere are ties that we get along alright, its just when it comes to being someone I can turn to--he's not there. He doesn't know how to be. I just don't know what to do, for example, if I am hurting, or someone has really said domething to me that cut me to the core, he will automatically tell me that I probably said something to make them respond that way. That is usually not the case, but he insists that it is somehting within me that needs to change. He is not a shoulder to cry on. If anything I avoid telling him when I hurt because he will make it worse.

I am feeling better today, the situation that brought all this up happened yesterday, but the fact remains that i cannot turn to him.
Thanks guys for listening to me whine..

String, Sometimes men are just that, men and they fail us. The only one who won't is God, in theory that is great I know it is hard to put into practice. One of the things that I have found helpful in times like this to try and work on me rather than on him. I am NOT saying that he doesn't need work, it is just an unfortunate fact of life that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. At one point when I felt my needs were not being met, I read The Five Love Languages and by learning to love my husband in the way he needed as well as learning exactly what I needed and how to ask for it we both benefited in many ways!!! :eyebrows:

We will pray for you both!

Thanks. I know everyone and their neighbor has recommended that book. I guess I'll have to check it out...

I was finishing up "The Measure of a Woman" for bible study last night and saw this and thought of you String:

Page 168 "The Measure of a Woman" by Gene A. Getz and Elaine A. Getz