I talked to the Army counselor, and now Chad's in the barracks for an indeterminate length of time. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but at least it's SOMETHING. Something different, because what we were doing before wasn't working.
Ugh...gonna go feel guilty for no good reason now...

DWT

Hmmmm, don't reckon I'm up to speed on this one. But sendin up some prayers for you an yours.

Eh, sorry. My brain is very muddled right now.
We've had some problems in the past with him being violent. We tried going to a civilian counselor (he didn't like spending the money), then we went to the chaplain (who blamed a good deal of the situation on me), and then today I went to the Army counselor. Like the chaplain, she is a mandatory reporter, but unlike the chaplain, she thinks safety is the most important concern. So they moved Chad into the barracks until both the therapist and the commander think it's okay for him to come back. Could be two days, could be six months. Who knows...

Wow, Mandy. That's rough. I understand it had to be done. Drastic measures had to be taken. Why don't you take advantage of this opportunity and get the heck outta Seoul? Move back to Wyoming for a while? Is Chad going to get counseling while in the barracks or is it just a 'cooling-off' period? If the Army thinks it's your fault, will they do anything to correct his behavior - which is wrong as well? Will you seek counseling as well for life problems - not just marriage problems?

I'm praying for you more than ever now. I know all will work out for good for those who trust in the Lord. Trust in Him heavy now. Let Him finish His work in you - and maybe in Chad as well.

DWT

Oyi... your in a rough bout for sure, these thins are always a damned if you do damned if you don't. On the one hand you need such an such to stop, on the other hand the military *could* nail your hubby's bum to the wall. A many of relationships I've seen have been either helped completely, er destroyed entirely by the military. I support thier idea to help, but they seem to have the mentality that sumthins broke an they've gotta fix it, an some times that jes don't work :( How did Chad take the news? Me personnaly probly would have flipped, cause as you say they must repot it to your hubby's CO. I need to clarify that I don't think you've done anythin wrong etc, jes that I know your definetly between a rock an a hard place

The counselor said that the Army would move me back, considering the circumstances. I'm really torn...I feel like if I leave now, it'll wreck more than it fixes. But I really want to go back home. I'm going to wait a couple days until my head clears.

He's going to see the therapist tomorrow, and they're going to figure out what needs to be done.
It's not the Army that thinks it's my fault...it's that one chaplain. The counselor was quite shocked at some of the things he said, and so was a certain mod at the "other" forum who happens to be a chaplain. I think he was just trying to smooth things over...his own interpretation of "preserving the sanctity of marriage." Frankly I think he's going to get someone killed someday.
Life problems? Trying to think of ones that aren't related to my marriage...

Now that's the REALLY strange part...
I didn't go home until the counselor got the call that Chad was in the barracks and was staying there. All the way home I was thinking of how much he must hate me...he had told me more than once that if I went to the Army counselor, we wouldn't have a marriage left to save, because he wouldn't be able to stand the sight of me ever again. When I finally got home, I found a note that said how much he loved me and that if this was necessary, then he understood. It seriously messed with my brain.

DWT

I hear ya Mandy, an I agree, I think if did move back it might do more harm then good, regardless of the actual intentions, my brain would go straight away to my wife has left me. I think it'd be good if you could go visit for a while though, try an catch a mac flight so you won't have a whole lot of trouble wit money an all, an I think it's important that you let your dh know everthin as much as possible, if you go your goin to help yoursef be more commited etc, jes takin a break etc, sides, you'd probly need em to arrange a return flight, cause the army will fly you out ok, but gittin back might be the prob. Ya'll have base housin?

No, I'm not command sponsored.

Huh. Well, apparently it's going to take several weeks for me to get home, and in the meantime he's coming home in two days :unsure:

DWT

Define few weeks to git home. Are you goin to offically move to WY er take a break? WHow do you feel bout em comin home in two days? Have you made your feelins clear to the councilor?

I thought he was going to be gone for awhile? Stay safe...I'm praying for you...

The counselor knows I'm worried about him coming home so soon, but she can't do anything. Only his counselor (he isn't assigned one yet) and his commanding officer can do that.
I'm going to go cry to his commanding officer. CapitalLancer (who needs to post here more often....MARC!) suggested I cut up some onions before I go to make sure I look serious enough, but I'm not sure I'll need them....lol. Anyway, she seems like a nice lady. Maybe she'll help.
At the moment I definately want to go home. I think I know how this is going to go, and it isn't going to be pretty; he'll be okay for a couple days, or a couple weeks, or a couple months, but eventually he's going to blow up and it will be much worse because of this. Right now if I were given the choice not to ever see or hear from him again, I would take it.

I will stay as safe as I can. Worst comes to worst, the counselor said there's a shelter for foreigners, so I'm going to find out where that is in case there's a serious emergency.

Ugh. What are they thinking?! Two days on restriction is supposed to solve something?

In other news, I just found out he's being stationed in North Carolina next, so at least he won't be next door in Colorado if I do go.

Here's something though: He just emailed me and said if I want him to, he will stay in the barracks for as long as necessary. I don't expect that he'll stick with that, but if he does...yay.

Oh, and we got an apology from the chaplain. He feels silly now.

DWT

Excuse my ignorance, I didn't realize thins had progressed to this point. So the short answer is that you do want to leave em because of this. I'm hesitant to use the word 'want' jes cause more often then not no one "wants" to do thins like this, but a couple thins. Do you wish to leave em permanatly? You mentioned he wouldn't be next door in CO, Are you considerin any reconciliation? If he went to some comcilin etc, most importantly that he stop the abuse.

I don't know :( I don't know much right now.

I don't mean to get too personal hera nad If I do I do apologize.

He get's Violent - Hits a wall violent or Hit's a Mandy Violent?

If it's hit's a wall throws a tantrum - there may be hope if it's that he Hit's you get the heck out of dodge leave no forwarding address.... until he's had a good deal of help, and maybe not even then....

My sisters have both in that kind of deal. Luckily Brenda's ex was afraid of me and knew that if he hurt her that baby brother would tear him limb from limb... sadly Sheila's ex could have whupped me six ways to Sunday so I didn't have that intimidation factor....

But if he's violent and you're the recipient... bolt.... bolt fast.... Don't be a statistic. if he wants you back make him change and proove it before you risk your life on him.

Okay, thought about this for a few minutes and now I can answer.
In order for counseling to be effective, he has to believe there's a problem. He agrees that he was responsible for our more severe problems before, but insists that he's no longer capable of that level of violence (apparently five months changes a person completely...). As for our problems now, the day before yesterday he told me that I should seriously consider that I am the only one with problems.
If he goes to counseling and it seems to be effective, I would need to consider if it's worth the risk---not only to myself, because accidents happen and the thought of bringing a child into the middle of this is terrifying. I know I wrote about this in another thread, but once when I told him about my little cousin throwing a fit, he said if he'd been there he would have decked the child (who was ten months old at the time). He was completely serious and gave reasons why he thought that would be acceptable.
So I don't know.

Twists Mandy's wrist violent...slams Mandy into the wall violent...lots of other things I won't go into... but apparently, the idea of hitting someone who is not a child is way over the line for him :blink: *sarcasm*

Just as bad as hitting....

He is a trained fighting machine..... That is unacceptable....

Soldiers should know better....

ah sister, my heart is going out to you. Trust me, if somehow we were closer I'd be coming to get you & you would be staying with me! (contingent on you helping me take care of my little 3 y.o. terror! B) )

All I can do is pray, and feel helpless. If you have an INKLING that you might be in some kind of danger, go to the shelter. If Chad's not willing to help himself or admit that he has a problem (granted, the problem might be with both of you, but it's NOT just one of you) then you might have to take the next step, whatever you feel that God is leading you to....

:pray:

Hehe, thanks Deb.

Thanks everyone for your advice *hugs all*

Guess what! The counselor was WRONG! *happy dance* Chad just emailed me to tell me that the commander said she'd evaluate the situation every seven days to see if he should come home. So I have at least another week! :thanks:

:thumbsup: That's great news....

How is this going?

He's still in barracks under a no-contact order. He's being investigated by CID, and even though I'm not pressing charges or giving a sworn statement, they're thinking of pursuing some sort of punitive action. I don't know; I'm staying out of it. Next month I'm going home and filing for divorce.

Thank you for asking :hug:

:o I feel a sense of relief....

how are you doing?

Same.

While unfortunate, I feel that it's the best considering your situation.

WOW. I hope it all works out for the best, Mandy.

:pray:
As sad as divorce is - I see no other option in this situation. I'm glad to hear you are getting out of this abusive relationship.

God Bless

Wow. It had been a few weeks since I checked this thread.

Mandy, you are a very brave woman. God bless you.

:hug:

:hug:

Where is home?

Wyoming. I'm going back there for the summer before I transfer to Arizona for school.

Thank you all for your encouragement :hug:

Arizona? What would Redguard say? :D

Sounds cool, are you accepted to school there already? Oh wait.... cancel that.... I'm going to post in our handy education section!

Sorry things ended up that way. But I'm glad that you have the courage to get out of the situation and get on with your life.

I'm praying for you.

Intimidation can come in many packages.

A good Mr. Eko "Jesus Stick" should do the job.

Mandy,

I'm glad you are getting out of that bad situation.