Here's the scenario:

Last week my wife was at work and one of her patients asked if she was pregnant. Now she is maybe 5 pounds overweight and is a real knockout but it floored her the rest of the week. No matter how much I tell her she's beautiful if a complete stranger tells her she isn't or says something (or simply doesn't say something) she feels like she is unattractive.

Now in my world as long as she thinks I'm attractive I can give a rip what anyone else thinks, she's the only one who matters. I feel like my opinion doesn't matter and is devalued because she says "you'd love me if I was 500 lbs. and wore sweatpants all day long" as if it is a bad thing.

Do any of you women devalue your husbands opinions like this? Guys do your wives do this to you? How do you deal with it? It drives me nuts and makes me feel unimportant to the person who is the most important to me!

My wife is overweight. But, since the beginning of November she's lost 28 pounds! :booyah:
She started gaining weight when pregnant with our first, and the second made it that much worse. Add to that a thyroid problem, and you have serious problems.

It's funny - when we were first married, we were not Christians. She was very slim and athletic. I was still thinking about other women. I almost asked a couple out. One of them (a co-worker) figured out what was going on and bolted before I could ask.

When I became a Christian, I confessed these lapses in judgement to her. It took some reassuring that I never followed through, but - as Jesus says - adultery in your heart is still adultery. It took a while to regain that lost trust.

Since I became a Christian four years ago, however, there is no woman I would rather have than my lovely wife. There is no woman more attractive than her. There is no woman worth even looking at, let alone chase.

And, my wife believes that. She has seen the changes in my life since I became a Christian, and she knows I'm sincere when I say that she's the most beautiful woman in the world. Being a strong-willed (read: bull-headed) woman, she don't give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks. Someone makes a comment to her like that, she's more likely to tell them "Yeah, I'm due in ___" (fill in the blank) and drop the subject.

I drive my husband nuts because I'm always putting myself down.

My husband adores me, and I him. I am about 40 lbs. overweight and want so much to be the wife of his youth that I feel like my weight gain lets him down. But I know it doesn't matter to him. It's all in my head. Like your wife, I know my husband would also love me if I were 500 pounds, but I want more for him. Does that make sense?

My husband only wants me to be happy. He encourages me to exercise. He says sweet things to me all the time. And honestly, he's the only person I feel safe with. Because I know he doesn't judge me.

Continue to encourage your wife. Forgive her these little lapses. It's hard to be a woman in today's society.

Oh, and pick up "Captivating" for her. It's an amazing book that's really helping me to see me as God sees me.

My wife does this all the time.

For ME to tell her that she's beautiful means absolutely nothing. It goes in one ear and out the other. What I think doesn't matter.

Maybe the problem in my case is that she knows that I'd never say anything to make her feel bad about her image, so she probably chooses not to pay attention to what I say about it since she thinks it's not honest.

I know what you mean. It is just hard for us women to believe what our husbands say because ...well... they have to say it. They see us every day and are used to how we look. Our appearance is just old hat to our husbands..Like seeing the picure you hung on the wall three years ago--sure its nice, but nothing special anymore. You're used to it and so don't appreciate or necissarily like it like you used to. You say that you like the picture out of habit and because its on your wall so you gotta say you like it...

I appreciate his opinion when I know that it is honest. I don't care what other people think of my appearance, but in the past I've heard enough negative things from him that I just don't believe the positive things anymore.

There is another... more selfish issue I have here. As I've mentioned before my wife had an affair 2.5 years ago. Much of it had to do with the attention this individual gave her that I wasn't... or was I? We were spending a lot of time together, we'd date all the time, I'll admit that our Christian walk had waned a bit going to WSU but we spent a lot of time together and seemed happy. Hell, I was blind-sided by the whole thing.

I believe that innocently enough the relationship started off as simply little comments that were said to my wife that made her feel good about herself. The more he did it, the more she wanted to spend time with him. Though I was saying much of the same things, my opinions didn't matter because I was her husband and required to say such things.

I have a real fear of her feeling low about herself and another guy coming along and complimenting her, making her feel good about herself, etc. and then her slowly being led astray again. I don't think she'd cheat on me but I do think she'd dress a certain way or act a certain way around someone else if it paid off in building her self esteem. I love her very much but I hate how lowly she thinks of herself- like I said earlier she's a knock-out and it won't be long before someone says something when she's in a weak point. I don't know...

Hmmm, I don't know seige. That's an interesting concern.

My husband said something to me recently about he was afraid I was going to meet someone on the internet because of all the time I spend online. Naturally, that is NOT my intention. But maybe it's a natural concern given the cirucumstances.

My husband doesn't often compliment me because he thinks he doesn't have to; that I already know what he thinks. But he's wrong. And I tell him I do need to hear it. So don't stop complimenting your wife. Just be sure you're not doing it so much that it sounds like you don't mean it anymore.

The one thing my husband does that no one else can do, is make me feel beautiful. And I can't tell you how to do that. It's individual. It's all in how my husband treats me. He treasures me. And I know I can't find that on the internet or from some guy who says nice things to me.