Hey guys, I know I'm too late for the competition, in fact, I really don't want to be in a competition anyway but I could really use some help.
I need to lose weight about 30 - 40lbs. I really want to do something about my health and my weight but I am really scared.

I have had issues with an eating disorder before.. Ok let's get it out there ..bulimia. It always seems to get worse when I try and lose weight. I haven't had any issues with it in the last 8 months though (since my husband left??).

I am very afraid of failure again. My husband (who left me for a much younger and skinnier model) was very cruel about my body and left me in no doubt as to what he thought of it. So I have some real body image issues. And I have discipline issues when it comes to food. I am afraid I will start to do something about it and then just give up again.

Just reading these threads and writing this I feel the pain in my heart and the tears that want to come out. I am not so large that I have to shop in 'big' stores, I shop in the average figure shops (in the larger sizes there) and logic tells me I am not grotesque but I certainly feel that way.

Gosh I am rambling here and I have no idea what to do. Part of me wants to say help me be accountable and I will start on a healthy program now and another part is just too afraid.

well that's it for now and I don't know what I am going to do about this but it is out there for the moment

:cry: :cry:

Hope

:hug:

I understand being afraid about it; I've struggled with an anorexia/overeating cycle in the past, and I definately don't want to go back to that.
Do you know some of the things that make it difficult for you to be healthy? Like certain thoughts or health activities that bring up issues for you.
For example, I know that I need to avoid counting calories or I get really weird about it. Actually I just wrote about this in my journal yesterday, I think.
I also have discipline issues, so I have to keep the house clear of foods that I don't want to eat.
I believe the key to any healthy change is that it's gradual and you do your best to make it permanent, but that you don't put yourself down over it when you get away from it. Also that it works with your strengths, rather than attacking your weaknesses.
I am sorry to hear that your husband was cruel about your body. That is very difficult to get past :hug: But you are making a good step by talking about it.

OK here is my first confession. Almost directly after writing that first post I went to make a coffee. Before the coffee was ready I had eaten 2 slices of cheese, a small packet of crisps and a jam and cream donut. Then when I was walking out of the kitchen I had a handful of twisties the kids had left open.

That is CRAZY!! That is my reaction to the fear. Now I feel horrible. At least I am not tempted to purge so that is good.

As you said Mandy I need to keep temptation out of the house but the kids don't need to be on a diet with me. They are all healthy and slim and can eat these things in moderation. Why should they suffer because of me?

The jam and cream donut I should not have had in the house. There is a bakery in the new area I have moved into that sells their stuff on special in the afternoons and that is when I bought those. I'll have to resist in future or just not go shopiing at the end of the day.

I really don't want to go on being afraid of food like this. I really want to be healthy. I don't want to try and look like a supermodel but I want to lose the extra pounds.

I have 20 odd personal training sessions up my sleeve at my old gym that I am yet to take but I am even afraid to start that in case I fail again....sorry for the negativity, I just feel so trapped.

Lord forgive me for the binge I just succombed to........

Just one small step at a time sister....we're here to encourage you! :hug:

I have no experience with eating disorders, so I can't give any sage advice on that end....but I see Mandy has already jumped in with some great advice and support.

But as far as "other" advice...you know I've got a 3 year old, so there are cookies, sometimes candy, etc in our house that I struggle with forgetting about! Sometimes I cave in, but lately it's been easier to just walk away....I'm consciously making myself aware of when I snag junk food, so when I'm about to do it I can walk away & go do something else, even if it's only getting a glass of water or going to the bathroom. Then I find that the feeling passes.

Also, I've been drinking V8 juice....it tends to take the edge off, so when I really start craving something, I'll drink a small glass of that...I'm not really one to eat much veggies....

I'm sorry for the way your husband treated you....but I'm here for you if you need anything!!

Now....you go girlfriend!! You can DO IT!!! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

Great first step Hope!!

I want to lose about 40 lbs. so why don't you do it with me?

I don't have experience in any diagnosed eating disorders, but I can tell you that I didn't get to my weight eating just fruit and vegetables! I'm a big emotional eater, and I'm not fussy about the emotions I choose to eat to - bored, happy, sad, tired, etc.

I have finally turned this over to God. Never before have I asked God to help me, and I don't know why! Seek Him. Cry out to Him and He will answer you. If you can't handle it day by day, take it moment by moment. Pray without ceasing.

They way I see it, only God can deliver me from this. I can't do it on my own, and the moment you accept that He'll be waiting for you, with open arms.

And of course, we're here!!

I consider my new binging much more healthy than my old one! I used to be a drunkard! Now I'm just a fat pig. :D

'Course, I'm trying to fix that also. Requires discipline. I've posted in another thread that I'm no good at that...

So, we're all here to help each other. Hope, I'm praying for you. I'm praying that you will find the strength to cope and the peace to be happy. The enemy's using food to get to you.

When you feel the urge to binge, try to focus and pray. Don't beat yourself up if you can't do it, just make an effort to focus more next time.

Thanks Lynne, I'd love to do it with you.

This has been a battle for me for a long time and I have been crying out to God about it for years. I lose weight then I put it on, over and over again. I know the answer will come one day, in his time. I think in the past, even when I lost weight, I soon discovered that I was still not acceptable to my husband. Maybe without that weight of criticism, this time might be different. I am still a little scared to step out of the boat.

Last night I had a relatively healthy dinner (yes, after my binge I still ate dinner :doh: ) but then followed it up with some melted chocolate melts.

I think, and I mean think, I need to record what I eat to someone everyday. It will keep me accountable at least. But I need not to be afraid of confessing it and being condemned or it will be counterproductive.

Maybe if I put it here.....anyone one want to be my accountability partner here.. oh dear do I really want to put it out here so openly..... I don't know.

still working through this and what I should be doing. I don't want to jump on another band wagon if it is just my 'good idea' and not God's. I have been on so many food programmes each one claiming not to be a fad like the rest but the real thing. how do you really know what the real thing is?

If you think it'll help you to post it on this thread...or you could start another one...then by all means, post what you eat each day!

I think, REALLY, you're supposed to do that anyways, you know, keep track of what you're eating when you try to lose weight.

I've been "kind of" doing that in MY fitness thread....because I know that if I have to write it down on here, I'm less likely to binge...I've made a promise to myself to tell on myself if that happens.

Anyways...we're all here to support you, and if you'd feel more comfortable doing it via PM, I'm sure any one of us would be happy to be your accountability partner!! :thumbsup:

I think that journaling your food intake is a great idea. I have considered dong it myself in the past...but I never was able to get myself to do it.

I think that maybe without the pressure of your ex maybe it will be better this time... This time you are doing it for yourself, not to gain approval of anyone else. I hope things work out (no pun intended!) for the best.... :D

I know I'm new here but I felt led to state what I hoped someone else would, does anyone else think that maybe before she begins dieting again she should go speak with a good Christian counselor? I kind of feel like without any real "therapy" being had this could be as dangerous as having a newly sober clay be the DD for me and the guys when we go out to the bar...

Dude - good analogy!

I think Seige is right. Mebbe ya oughta see counseling.

Hi Seige,

Being new does not exclude you from anything. :wave:

You are right, this is not something to be done alone and I have been in counselling and it has made a huge difference in my life. Believe it or not I am currently studying to be a counsellor myself. Talk about having to face stuff head on!!

God has been working hugely in my life by the Spirit through counselling, spiritual direction and my studies themselves. It seems that he is cleaning out every area of my life in a big way recently.

The analogy is not quite the same though because I am not trying to be responsible for others but am asking for others to help me to be responsible, a bit like an alcoholic having someone they ask to keep them accountable not to drink, not like an alcoholic saying I'll look after you and be your DD....make sense?

The big question is am I ready for this yet? Or is it taking on one too many things to change in my life at the same time? (If you want to know what I am referring to Seige the summary of the last 8 months of my life is in my prayer request thread from Nov/Dec.)

I kind of feel like I am ready to tackle this but the old fears are still there. I am trying to hear what the Spirit is saying to me but my flesh gets involved so easily.

Since starting this thread, I kind of feel that I shouldn't put my pressure on myself at this stage and I should enjoy not being pressured in this area but then I wonder is that just another cop out ...... I know no one can answer that for me....please bear with me while I waffle my way through this.

Anyway I just pray that God will help to hear him clearly and not to get into more works right now. I just want to be free from this bondage I feel when it comes to food and appearance.

I hope I can continue to bounce off you guys and sort this out.

Thanks to all of you for responding and supporting me.

Hope

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: Bounce away, that's what we're here for! Feel free to PM me anytime....:hug:

Thanks... your bouncies made me smile... :D

.
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seige...please don't post on this forum until you have 500 posts under your belt.

:rolf:

:hug:

I saw Andiesmama's ticker.com weight chart, so I went to the link and made one of my own.

I am going to start by using this as my first accountability exercise.

I'll start a fresh thread for my progress in the next few days and see how that goes. I am feeling less pressured today so I will just take it one day at a time and if I fall I'll put my hand up real quick for someone to help pull me up again. :thumbsup:

Way to go, Hope! :bounce: You can do it!

oh, I'm so proud of you! We're here for you.... :booyah:

I was more talking about Clay going into the drinking scene when he is newly sober. Do you think going into the fitness scene is a good idea? It sounds like you have thought this through, I just thought no one had said anything about therapy so I might bring it up!

Thanks Seige, I see what you mean. You are right, watching my food and weight right now might be like putting alcoholic in front of a newly sober alcoholic and that is the very danger I am afraid of... that it may not be the right thing for me to get involved in at the moment. But neither to I want my weight to get out of control.

I am still trying to work out the right answer. I think that is why this accountability might be good for me. Not just accountability for food and weight but for what is happening in my heart as I go through it.

Thanks for your support. I will keep going through this one day at a time and see what happens and try and stay aware of potential pitfalls for me. I commit here and now that if I fall into any old eating disorder habits I will confess them on the board. Since I got the disorder out in the open I have always been honest about it so hopefully I will be able to do so again.

One praise point, when I over ate the other day after writing this thread I was not tempted to purge to get rid of it. Praise God!!

Be back soon

Hope

Hi Hope!

How's it going?

Hey Hope. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to read this thread. Things have been nuts. I'm praying for you.

Though I've never had an eating disorder, I know what it's like to have poor self-image and a lot of emotional baggage. I have 30 lbs exactly of bodyfat I want to lose to get to 15% bodyfat. That might be a little low, so maybe 25 lbs is better for me. I've lost 12.5 lbs already, mostly fat already in about 2 months.

I've been on this journey about 8 yrs now and God has revealed Himself to me in so many different ways, purged so many things that weren't good in my life. He's been changing how I view myself, how I view others, how I view life, etc. It's been truly amazing.

Many tears have been shed, and my heart aches for you. I can sense your pain, but I know Christ who resides in you in an Overcomer. It's taking turtle steps, learning, growing, allowing God to work in our lives. It's not always very pleasant. I know, because God is allowing me to go through some pretty cruddy stuff this past 7 months or so.

I employ 2 energy psychology methods that help me break the negative emotional/mental/intellectual psychological/physiological cycles. When you address only one without the other, you're still left with that negative cycle. Many of those bonds are extremely strong. It takes the Holy Spirit revealing what the root causes of those issues and using these energy psychology methods to break those negative bonds.

The 2 that I use are: EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). The latter I go to a counselor/therapist to do. The EFT I learned in May'01 and have been using it since. Both are very effective and I'm so different than where I was 4.5 yrs ago. It's like I've been set free from the slavery in my mind I once felt.

There are still baggage areas left, but so much fewer.

Praying for you,
Doris