Really--how do you now that you love your spouse? Have you ever questioned this?

I feel warm and fuzzy when she's serving me hand and foot.

:doh: Ummm... Answers like this are irrelevant :screwy:

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:doh: Well, questions like this are irrelevent....


If I didn't love her, why have we stayed together for 15 years?

For me, love is all about the committment...."till death do us part" kinda stuff...not the romantic mushy-gooey stuff...that's all temporary feel good crap.

I made an oath on my wedding day and through thick and thin, I stand by her and her by me....LOVE.

Haven't seen this one around lately, but this post SCREAMS for it.... :lena:


Now, to answer the OP....I know it's "love" because I can't imagine me being with anyone else....oh, sometimes I can imagine me being WITHOUT him for awhile at least B) , but I know we're in it for the long haul. I know it's love because I start checking the clock later in the afternoon, looking forward to him coming home and still getting little butterflies when I hear his truck...I know it's love because when he doesn't clean up the dog :puke: , I'll do it because I know he truly can't handle it...and I know it's love because of all the stuff we've struggled through in the past & I'm sure will struggle through in the future, yet still come through together....

How do I know it's love?

With my first fiancee, God had to be the center of everything -- even our illicit little romps in various places.

With Kerense, God IS in the center of everything. And our romps are not illicit 'cuz we're married! :D

With my first fiancee, any problems in our relationship were hers to fix. I made her well aware of that. I drank to excess every day and she didn't like that. "Hey! Stop trying to change me! You either accept me the way I am or find someone else." Well, she chose someone else.

With Kerense, she said she wouldn't consider going on a date with me 'cuz I drank to excess nearly every day (I'd slowed down some by the time I met her... :D ). So, I stopped drinking.

With my first fiancee, I made life-changing choices and told her about it.

With Kerense, all choices (life-changing or not) are discussed prior to decision.

See -- that's the difference between lust and love. Kerense and I are one. We function as an individual most of the time. We're not perfect, we have our days (hers usually about a month apart -- JUST KIDDDING!), but who doesn't? We're human so we simply roll with it.

That's how I know it's love. With my first fiancee, she was just a convenient toy. With Kerense, it's together 24/7 for the long haul.

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See....it's all about committment...same with Clay and his "long haul"....


I look at Jesus'es love for us...he was COMMITTED to the Father and to us, that's why he sacraficed his life and blood on the cross. He loved us, he was COMMITTED to us so much he died for us...anyhoo, when the Bible speaks of loving your spouse like Christ loves the church, that's how I kinda interpret it...


Of course wifey thinks I'm goofy for thinking like that...she want's love to be schmoopy-schmoopy. IMHO, real love is COMMITTMENT not a feeling or emotion.

Plug the word COMMITTMENT into all the LOVE verses (ie 1 Cor 13) and see if it fits...more than likely it will.

Are you parents COMMITTED to your children...of course you are...you love them.

Ok...let's argue about this...WHAT IS LOVE?

The 100k question is, what makes us LOVE (commit).

Can you be committed to a marriage without loving the spouse?

IMHO...NO....love IS commitment...

If you don't love your spouse, how can you be "committed" to a marriage?


Marriage is more than piece of paper or two people living under one roof....


When you're committed to someone (that is when you love them) you are responsible for their feelings, needs, wants, desires...etc. Even above yours...(gulp, ok I said it)

For me - I can't imagine my life without her. I know this sounds morbid - but if one of my kids died - I could go on because my wife was with me. If my wife died - I don't know what I'd do. I don't know how I could go on. That is love.

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Are you saying you DON'T love you kids?

Of course not....(I know better...)

If your kid needed a kidney or something would you offer it up?


See, shows your committed...to both your wife and your kids...


And yes...if wifey died YOU COULD GO ON...cause you LOVE and ARE COMMITTED to your children....

I'm not givin' up a kidney for those little ankle biters!! They've taken enough from me already! :) J/k.

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LOL....last night we played horsey with daddy...two kids on my back...NIIIICCCCE.


Ever play tickle Cobra??

You put up your cupped hand like its the head of a cobra and then when the nuggets get close...you hiss and bite them (squeeze) in their tickle spot....lotsa fun.

I do the "brain sucker". I can say, "The brain sucker is coming.." from the other room & my daughter will scream & run to her room to hide under the covers. IT's funny stuff!

SO what happens when brain sucker gets the kid?

grabs the head - sucks out the brains - and.....burps. Then my daughter says, "Say excuse me brain sucker. You gotta say excuse me."

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I'll try it and let you know how it goes....

Well, for one, he puked all over the living room carpet last year and I wanted to clean it up for him to spare him the job.

Seriously, there is no greater love than when a man wants to clean up puke for his friend.

String,

Everyone goes through the same thing. Being "IN LOVE" versus loving someone.

Even Squat did, but he's old and feeble now, so he doesn't remember.

I know my wife loves me by the choices she makes, how she will think of me and put me first. But she isn't always "IN LOVE" with me. As time goes on, being "In Love" takes more and more work.

If anyone ever figures out how to keep someone completely "in love" with you, they would make a lot of money selling the book.

Love is comitment, but comitment is not always love... I'm commited to my job... I despise my job, but I'm comittted to it.

I just know I love my wife. The warm fuzzies I get every single time I think about her even when she's pissed me off so bad I want to play violent video games (anger = blowing stuff up till I feel better). Love is laying awake at night because she's not here, and crying myself to sleep because I miss her so damned bad. Love is wanting to share every success, and failure with her first.

I'm kinda romantic and kinda commitment based...

I never woudl have said til death do we part if I didn't love my wife... I'm not gonna saddle myself with someone I don't love for the rest of my life....

Re: Tickle cobra - we want our baby back ribs. Grab the girls and nibble on their ribs. Tickles the heck out of 'em! It's so bad now that when I sing the Chili's song: "I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back..." my two-year-old runs screaming. It's great!

Re: love & commitment - Stephen Covey said, "Love is a verb, not a noun. A man came up to me saying that the love was gone from his marriage and he wanted to divorce his wife. I told him to love her. He said, 'the love is gone'. I said 'Love her.' Love is a verb - an action. Not a feeling. Love is what you do to your spouse."

I have to agree with him. Love is a verb. In the sentence "I love my wife," where is the verb? It is the word "love". How often do you say "I feel love for my wife"?

You see--I totally understand this... The thing that I am struggling with is the "in love" part. He stamped that out a month after we started dating and I learned he was bad mouthing me to another girl. Since then there have been no butterflies, no excitement about him coming home...I married him because i had low self esteem probs and was terrified of being alone. In a way I do love him, but I don't think it is the same that all you guys are describing...In a way I can't stand him... But I'm married to him and that is a COMMITTMENT (there ya go Squat!) that I have to keep. Sorry to be such a downer. This morning started with a fight and I am just flustered and stressed..

String? Do you ever talk about this with your husband?

Have you ever asked him what he wants in your marriage? What can you do to make it better for him? Brace yourself for the answers though, you may be surprised. You should also be able to tell him what you want, what he can do to make it better.

Does he know that you know he was bad mouthing you? Can you talk about it?

Love and marriage are FAR more than duty. And committment shouldn't be duty. God adores us, lavishes us with love. His love is extravagant! That's what our love for each other should be! We should gush. Sure butterflies leave your stomach when you're flipping out because he forgot to take out the trash....again. But they should come back when he walks in the door that night.

Love can be mushy. It should be mushy enough to gross out your kids. God doesn't want you to endure! He wants you to thrive. To be loved the way He loves you. And for you to love in return.

We make a choice every day to love or not love our spouse. Love him first. Give him what you want and see what happens. If you feel like smacking him on the head, kiss him instead. If you feel like kicking his butt, give his butt a good squeeze.

But try. Don't accept status quo.

I have questioned this a lot, and right now this is my opinion:

Love is working for the highest good of your spouse. That may not be what they want. It may not be what you want either, at least not all the time. Sometimes it is easier to settle for what is not good, because then it might be easier to pretend that everything is all right ("warm fuzzies") when it's not.
Don't have Scripture references right now, but I can look them up later:
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly [dang gender words; have fun with this one, squat] love. Honor one another above yourselves."
There are also verses about confronting those who are sinning, lest by your silence you become a partner to their sin.
When someone treats their spouse hatefully or even disrespectfully, it hurts them as well even if they don't know it. It is sin, and it hardens their heart against God. If the mistreated spouse doesn't speak up, they become a partner in that, even though they are the victim.
Of course there is a time and a place to overlook wrongs, and not everyone is perfect. But we should be helping and encouraging our spouses to do what is right.
Now I want to quote from C.S. Lewis, but I lent the book out *grumble grumble*
Anyway, his concept is this:
If what you desire above all else is the happiness of the one you "love," you will destroy them, or else stand idly by while they destroy themselves. We should be working towards righteousness (being right with God); we might be happy then, but happy is a result, not a goal.
We cannot make our spouses be right with God. We cannot make them act with love and we cannot make them treat us right. They are individuals with free will and deserving of respect by virtue of that; change must come from their hearts. But we can lovingly confront them when they are sinning, and if necessary remove ourselves from the situation so that we will not be stumbling blocks.
Yeah I don't know if I'm making sense... :coffee:

Thanks Lynn--yes he know that I know about what he was saying. All this happened at the very beginning of our relationship--I'm not sure how much longer it went on...But the butterflies left at the beginning of our relationship. I haven't had butterflies for a guy in years...

We talked a little through email yesterday. At home he acknowledged that his expectations are probably too high. Things do feel calmer now and I feel more at peace. He wants to get a way somehow without the kids because we need to spend time together without them. We never really got anytogether time before they were here--got pregnant a few months after we met(shanme on us) so that "us" time was denied. I do think that it has had a negative effect on the way we relate..

I think that with time things may get better, but it will be a long road...

Thanks for your prayers